Angel's Mama

Mom of the Year

2009-06-13T13:01:00.005+03:00

Yes, that is a plastic bag... on her head. Inches away from her respiratory equipment. The same kind of bag that often comes with a lil clause printed somewhere ''This is not a toy. Suffocation Hazard. Keep away from babies and small children.''

But she found it and voila! a hat!! 18 months old and already a Cutting Edge Fashion Designer, ahead of her time!!

Who wouldn't be proud?

I am a mother

2009-06-12T13:23:00.003+03:00

I am a mother.

I kiss the boo boos to make them better.

I hardly ever get more than 4 hours of solid sleep.

I don't remember my last manicure.

I know the importance of bubbles and balloons.

My clothes are comfy and often stained.

I never forget Teddy.

I make the night safe and warm.

Nothing I own is actually mine.

I need to develop the patience of Job.

My heart is million times bigger than I knew it could be.

I am a mother.

What about you?

Bling Bling!!

2009-06-12T13:05:00.004+03:00

Nan The Beautiful and Great Writer, Friend and Mama gave me some Bling! YAY for me :) Thanks Nan :) She thinks I'm charming! Indeed. Well that makes at least one person ;-)

This award is given to the writers of blogs that “are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

The trouble is, I don't have even 5 peeps to give it to that haven't already gotten it... far less for 8.

But I do have one. Janelle is an old school friend. We weren't that close in school, from what I remember, but we have formed a friendship now. Albeit based on reading each others blogs. But a friendship nonetheless. And i'm guessing that's kinda the point of this one. So Here Ya Go Janelle! This one is for you :)

The world according to toddlers

2009-06-10T12:30:00.005+03:00

Firstly, this post is more for me... as a way of recording what I don't want to forget. But come to think of it, isn't that the point of many mommy blogs? So to anybody reading this: Hello! This might be boring.

The Angel took her time to talk. I hear its common with bi-lingual babies. Or maybe she just had other more important things to work on. But now that she has started, it seems that there are new words every day. Many of them need decoding, but so far, it hasn't been too hard for me to figure them out.

The cuteness factor of this would be improved 50-fold with a video, but so far, it seems that a Hollywood future is not in the cards for lil Miss Angel. As soon as I grab it, she stops talking and wants to dismantle the camera instead. Engineering maybe?? Or Photography?

So here is the world she lives in:

Apod - Ipod
Twee - TV
Pudah - Computer
Min or Miny - Milk
Tikki, Mow - Kitty. Our cat died a little while ago, and she really misses him. We hear this a lot.
Ohh Ohh - Dog
Peen - Plane
Boo boo - Bubbles
Ann - Hon (Me or her dad)
Annie - Honey (Me)
Whee - Slide
Peetee - Pretty (flowers)
Apu - Apple
Some - Can I have some please?
One! - Ok, how about just one then?
Boo - Ball or bowl. Maybe they are the same thing to her?
Pee pee - I just peed on the floor.
Dude - Juice
Cow - Cow or clouds
Moon - I want to look at the Baby Einstein / Baby Gallileo video.
Nee - Horse
Dodo - Can I look at Dora the Explorer?
Padah - Specifically the one where she sings Itsy Bitsy Spider.
Tuck - Help! I'm stuck!
Bak - Let's go ride my bike.
Bikki - It's time for biscuits!
Tee - How about some cheese? Or sometimes she wants a sip of my tea. The whole ''Its hot'' thing didn't work, Nan.
Coookie - I give you 3 guesses what that one means ;-)
Daddy - Teddy.
Ata - Aitah (Thank you, in Estonian)

And some others... but I don't want to bore you too much. Nap time is almost up, and if I don't get some laundry done, tomorrow will be a nekkid day. Not that I mind, but the neighbours might.

Ciao bambinos!

Reply to Tash :)

2009-05-21T10:50:00.003+03:00

It has been forever and a day since I wrote anything here. An email from Tash resulted in a reply which turned into this post. Thanks Tash!!

I'm good! The weather is mostly nice, so I'm outside with the Angel for most of the day digging in dirt and other fun things. I've discovered that I love gardening! Since I now have a huge back yard, I am Mrs. Farmer. Apple Tree, cherry trees, lettuce, coriander, strawberries, blueberries, sunflowers and other pretty flowers whose names I don't know, but they looked pretty in the pictures on the seed packs. If they would only grow, it would be great. I'm really hoping that I see some rewards for my efforts in summer. It is still a little early to see anything much.

The Angel is great too. Talking now, non-stop; real words, not just sign language, in her sweet little baby voice. Mostly english, with the occasional estonian word here and there. Running and pushing along on her tricycle. And of course being very very dirty. If there is a patch of mud within a 2 mile radius, she will find it. She seems to be allergic to staying clean. Normal, from what I hear. Although everybody else's child always looks clean around here.

We're going to visit Prague and Portugal during summer! There is a possibility of us moving to Prague for the Funny Dude's job... nothing concrete yet...just an idea. So we're going to check out the city. And a friend's seaside apartment in Portugal was an opportunity not to be passed. Yay for Europe and easy traveling!

And we have ducks! Well we don't own them, but they took up residence in a pond behind our house. So a couple times a day they come up to my patio looking for their meals, knocking on my door if I don't see them. They are quite lucky this isn't Trinidad. I love a good curry duck.

So between a busy toddler, a garden that always needs work, ducks, and a Funny Dude, I have almost no computer time. And that's fine by me. I have all winter for that.

Today is rainy, and we're inside. I'm typing this with my Angel on my lap, helping herself to my boobs. No signs of that stopping anytime soon. We both still love it too much to let it go :)

And that's about it! I'm sure there are other things that happened, but I just can't remember now. Spring 2009 has been really nice. Friends have been coming by regularly because, as city dwellers, they think I live in the country... seeing as I have a backyard and all. Fun times :)

I don't know when next I will update here, but you are all in my thoughts. Your emails to check up on me have made me feel so loved!

So take care guys and gals! Enjoy your summer!!

Because we humans are an amazing and beautiful species :)

2009-04-22T14:24:00.001+03:00

I want to remember

2009-04-18T11:52:00.004+03:00

I want to remember your tiny hands... how the curled in my palm when you were a tiny babe, how they hold mine now as we walk in the grass.

I want to remember how your soft curls tickle my nose as you sleep on my heart.

I want to remember how we danced on our wedding day.

I want to remember the way your eyes light up when you smile at me.

I want to remember how my heart bursts when I look at you.

I want to remember you purring, curled up into my neck, kneading my shoulders.

I want to remember how you looked at me when I told you I was pregnant.

I want to remember how you made the world exciting when I was a child.

I want to remember how grateful I was that you were here when I became a mama too.

I want to remember how the sun feels on my face after a long winter.

I want to remember that I love you.

Inspired by The Natural Parenting Center.

She said it best.

2009-04-10T13:01:00.002+03:00

I had a fight this morning with Hubby. We were both idiots. Both angry. Both frustrated. Neither of us listening to the other. Each screaming like a baboon. Only perhaps baboons are more civilized.

We screamed in front of the Angel. This hurts me.

But there is a blog I read almost everyday. I really try not to miss it. It keeps me on track when I get lost... which is often. It reminds me when I forget. And I suck at playing Memory. She wrote something a little while ago that came back to my mind once I had stopped screaming and arguing in my head.

Here it is: I choose you.

I am trying not to be a prude.

2009-04-08T11:08:00.004+03:00

I grew up Catholic. And with that comes all the hang-ups about your body, which they will tell you is a beautiful thing, that God made it in his image yadda yadda yadda. But at the same time, if you show it to anybody, or let anybody touch it, other than your spouse, or touch it yourself other than when you are having a shower, and then ONLY for cleaning, you will burn forevermore in the pits or fire and brimstone.

Talk about sexual repression... I tell you!

I also went to a Catholic all-girls school. We had private showers after gym. There was none of this ''girls showering together and walking around naked'' thing that I saw on American TV. We didn't even let our panties be seen by the rest of the class.

Then I became a young woman, and the consequences of this repression came out in full swing. No pun intended. But the mental hang-ups remained, coupled with the whole ''I'm Fat and don't have perfect boobs'' thing that you get from watching TV and reading Cosmo. This resulted in WONDERFUL self-confidence and body image.

Anyway, I moved to Estonia three years ago. A HUGE part of Baltic culture is the Sauna. You might have seen that Britney video where she is writhing seductively in one of them. Naked, of course. Because that's how you do sauna. Naked. With other people in there too. All naked. But they aren't writhing like Britney. At least not from what I've seen.

I'd managed for the most part to avoid getting nekkid in front of anybody other than hubby, until last week. You see, I started taking the Angel to the pool... to swim (duh). And there are no private showers at the pool. Only those prison-break types. On my first day, I was surrounded by so many naked bodies, that my eyes went into shock. In my bikini, I ~~showered~~ let water run over me and kept my eyes glued to the floor, looking up every so often to marvel at these women who walked around in a myriad of sizes, shapes, textures. Not so many different colours though. Estonia ain't exactly cosmopolitan. But I couldn't get over how they just walked around letting it all hang out! Shocking!! How could they do that??

I had to try it! I would face my fears. Because I am brave and strong and eat my vegetables. Besides, if these old women, with the flesh and scars of life could do it without a care, then my 30 year old body could do it too. I'm no pin-up girl, but what I've got ain't that bad. And besides, it's mine, right? It keeps my baby and husband happy. It looks cute enough in jeans. And it's MINE! I ought to be proud of it. Not ashamed. Every dimple, stretch mark, sag, bump, and lump. Mine, mine, mine.

I'm still trying to convince myself here.

But I did it. The second time we went swimming, I took it all off in the showers. And kept my eyes crazy-glued / evo-stuck / nailed / to the floor. Several deep breaths included. I was in and out in seconds. They probably thought I was a little mad. While they scrubbed each others backs. The next time wasn't so hard. I looked up. Stayed a bit longer. And each time it got easier. Now! Heck, I'm in the sauna, chilling, well maybe that's a poor choice of word. I'm in the shower, the locker room... without wishing the floor would open up and swallow me.

What a big deal over NOTHING!!!!

It helps of course that I don't know anybody there. That helps Big Time. There's still some work to be done.

Sometimes I totally get my ideas from other people.

2009-04-04T14:46:00.005+03:00

I stole this from Nan who got it from somebody else. Finish the sentences... or not. It is totally up to you ;-)

1. My partner is... on the couch. He is napping while the baby naps. Smart fella.

2. Maybe I should... go help the kids unpack groceries, vacuum, do some laundry, have a nap. But naaaahh. I haven't blogged much recently for whatever reason. And now I have some time, combined with a tiny dash of inspiration. This dynamic duo has been in seriously short supply recently. So I'm taking advantage.

3. I love... my family.

4. People would say that... I can't sing for shit, but I've got great energy on-stage!

5. I don't understand... politics and money.

6. When I wake up in the morning... the Angel says ''Ann... Some''. She thinks my name is Ann. And she just learnt to say ''Some'' :)

7. I lost... my way in Riga, Latvia once and ended up walking in a dark, deserted street. A pizza delivery guy gave us directions to where we wanted to go, but, of course, I knew better! So we spent a couple hours walking around, still lost. Then we found a highway? and took a taxi. The driver took us to where we wanted to go... about 5 minutes away from the hotel we were staying at. Hubby doesn't let me read the map anymore.

8. Life is... full of sunshine, except in Winter. I'm so happy that Spring is here!!!

9. My past has taught me... that I can be a real idiot sometimes.

10. I get annoyed when... there is no toilet paper, and sometimes when people see things on the floor and just step over them and keep walking. The second one is only really annoying when it happens at home. I wonder if they know that the magic clean-up-shit fairy doesn't live here? I wonder what would happen if I started doing the same thing?

11. Parties are... even more fun when you don't have to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn the following morning.

12. I wish... there was no more money, politics, state lines, or religion.

13. Dogs... are a lil more work than cats, but more fun.

14. Cats... can be pussies.

15. Tomorrow... I'm going swimming at the pool with the Angel!

16. I have a low tolerance for... empty toilet paper rolls still on the thingy, and empty cartons in the fridge.

17. If I had a million dollars... I would probably spend it.

18. I'm totally terrified of... roaches.

19. I'd rather be... chilling on the beach.

20. My vice is... herb. but shhhhhh.

Once upon a time there were some ducks.

2009-04-01T10:45:00.006+03:00

They lived under a bridge nearby. We had some old bread, because we didn't eat it all before it went and expired. And some people don't think that eating old bread is a very good idea. So we decided to give it to the ducks. Because they aren't so picky about their bread.

So we went to the bridge and threw it for them. They seemed pretty happy about the whole thing, until we ran out of bread. Then somebody else came along with more bread, and they defected. No loyalty I tell you.

We went sledding instead. Because that is what you do when your ducks defect.

I am blessed

2009-03-10T21:43:00.004+02:00

Does being a libran make you bi-polar?

2009-03-10T12:48:00.005+02:00

Cobwebs cobwebs cobwebs. Chez moi in bloggy-land, chez moi in Elbonia-land.

I kinda realized that our happiest, funnest, sweetest, most stress-free days, the Angel and me, are the days when I don't do jack-shit other than just BE with her. Building snowmen cuz the snow won't bloody quit. Watching Dora sing Itsy Bitsy Spider 25 times in a row. Exploring the back yard. Playing football. Playing Bouncy on the air-mattress... etc etc etc. You catch my drift.

So now the floors are sticky and dusty with little dried spots of somethingorother, much like the table. There is a pile of laundry up to my elbows, which quite possibly explains why I can't find my favorite drawers. Our diet is based mainly on sandwiches or throw-it-in-a-pan-and-stick-it-in-the-oven gastronomical delights. Forget blogging! And I have a child who is deliriously happy... AND... wait for it... dramatic drum-roll... Sleeping through the night!!! (The black-out blinds? Maintaining routines and schedules? More fresh air? Who knows!)

Yes folks. My nights have returned to the land of mostly uninterrupted sweet sweet slumber. A mere (???) 15 months post-partum. I now know what 6, 7, 8, even 9 hours of solid sleep feels like!! It was a hazy, misty memory. And damn you Gods if you even THINK about taking that away just cuz I blog about it. It is MINE. You can't take it back. na na nana nah :-P

To celebrate I went out to shake my booty and got shit-faced instead with little or no actual booty shaking. And then spent most of the following day semi-comatose, jacked up on Mc Donalds and Coke (the black, fizzy, overloadofsugarandcaffeine one.) But it was SO WORTH IT!!! I had SO MUCH FUN!! Caps and exclamation points should be all over the place with the amount of fun I had. I yapped my gums to anyone within earshot for as long as they would listen before they would find somebody else to rescue them and take their place. It was probably really really obvious that I don't get out much. hahahahaha. sigh. Too bad. It will take a while for the whole ''i don't see people'' vibe to work it's way out of my system.

If only I had a trusted baby-sitter... then Hubby and I would be able to get shit-faced TOGETHER, instead of taking turns. In time. In time.

I just realized this post is polar-opposite to my last one which was all sob sob poor me. Who remembers that I'm a libra?!?!

Sometimes...

2009-03-02T13:33:00.004+02:00

... I wonder how it is that I can forget how much I love and adore my beautiful baby, my Angel, and shout at her.

... I feel like the worst mother in the world.

... I worry that she will hate me.

... it makes me cry.

... I don't know what takes over me, and I get mean.

... I worry that I might, one day, hit her.

... I am afraid.

... I understand how my mother felt.

... I fear that my baby will feel the same way I did.

... I feel guilty too often

Because I just can't get over it.

2009-02-25T19:40:00.002+02:00

This is my last carnival-related post... I promise... until next year anyway.

It is finally over, and I have survived again. Year 2. Please let there not be a Year 3. Please. Pretty pretty please with glitter, sequins, beads, and fancy feathers.

This was my favorite song for this year. It didn't win any competitions, but I could totally see myself swaying on the road, wining up and down and all around to it. Sigh. My living room had to do. C'est la vie.

Trini Carnival Live on the internets

2009-02-24T20:34:00.003+02:00

If you wanna see a lil something of what it is about click here.

It is Carnival weekend.

2009-02-21T11:54:00.002+02:00

And I am...

I am...

Sigh.

I AM NOT MISSING IT NEXT YEAR!!!!

Now I'm going to hide in a (well-routined and scheduled) hole until it is over. Apparently the Angel likes routine and schedules. At least she will be happy.

WAAAAAHHHHHHHH ;-(

Live and Learn # 37654

2009-02-17T20:55:00.004+02:00

She fell asleep today with relative ease. No long crying and raging. No tantrums. Just a few lil grumbles at nap time, but nothing to write home about.

So what was it? The moon? Weird unknown illness? Growth spurt?

It would have been so much easier on both of us if I had just let her be, instead of trying to control. I always remember too late that when she behaves like that, there is a reason, and that I need to just accept and go with the flow.

''Struggle or stress is a sign that the ego has returned, as are negative reactions when we encounter obstacles.'' - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth.

One day I will remember in time.

But why oh why could I not have read that ONE line a few days ago?? Why did I have to read it today, AFTER she had already fallen asleep peacefully. The book has been sitting on the couch untouched for days.

Maybe it was a test. Well guess who didn't ace that one! As usual. My teachers will not be shocked.

Live and Learn.

I know it's OK to cry... but REALLY.

2009-02-16T15:20:00.003+02:00

Every nap time, every night, during the night, mini melt-downs during the day, every time I try to cut a vegetable or wash a plate. Jeez Louise.

What am I doing wrong????? Or worse, is she sick? I'm not seeing any real symptoms of anything. Does constantly pulling your toes count as a symptom?

Nap time and bed time, which used to be so sweet, have turned into a struggle that leaves both of us in tears. I know she is tired. The yawns, eye-rubbing and I'm-not-hungry-but-i want-boobs are not classic ''Let's PLAY!'' signals.

I decided to have the bedroom fitted with black-out blinds. And I think I'm going to stop the nap-time and bed-time stories which just seem to excite rather than calm. We read a million times a day anyway. Maybe bath-time should be in the morning too. Today I played this just before nap time and it seemed to help, a bit. Crying was a few short squawks rather than 45 minutes of banshee. I never thought I would say this, but 'Thanks, Brahm and Kenny G'. It made me cry too. What can I say, I'm a bit topped up on stress, and crying comes easy.

So is music what I need to soothe this restless ~~beast~~ angel? Lawd how I wish she could talk and tell me exactly where my idiocy lies. Although, maybe not. I probably have many many years of that ahead of me.

Reading through some other parenting blogs today I realized that at no point in time over the next rest of my life will I be worry free. There will always be SOMETHING to throw me off balance. Not like I was particularly balanced to begin with. As a Libran, balance is something I seem to be eternally seeking. Note that I said seeking, and not finding. I thought scales represented balance. Although, now that I think of it, they are usually drawn kinda off-kilter, right? Sigh. Great. Firetrucking great.

Ok, nuff ranting 'bout nothing important.

Center, breathe deeply, relax. Ommmm.

I am an artist too.

2009-02-13T11:04:00.003+02:00

Isn't parenting a creative process? It requires that you think about things that you never thought about before, in ways you never thought about them. You try to get those feelings out, in positive, enlightening, uplifting way. Wanting to do good by your child. To help polish the rough stone that is your baby, and release the beautiful jewel that you know is inside.

And it is daunting.

There is the constant fear of failure. Of doing it wrong. Of others not liking what you are doing, or have done. There are critics everywhere.

There is the confusion when it is not going how you think it should go.

but maybe thats the problem.. the thinking.

Maybe I'm not letting it flow.

And i'm restraining the creative gremlin that wants to come through me.

It is not all me. It is greater than me. I am the pipe line through which it will flow. I need to be open and connected.

Art is meant to uplift humanity. So are people. The Angel is a people. So am I.

I just need to keep showing up; to do my part. Keep her safe, fed, warm, loved... and allow the muse to work on the rest. The parts that I dont know. It takes more than me to do this right. I am a part of the whole.

Thanks Witchypoo and Schmutzie for this inspiration. Check Schmutzie's post for your own inspiration.

Let it never be said that I am totally thick-headed.

2009-02-12T20:11:00.007+02:00

Life with my beautiful Angel has been a bit tricky, to put it mildly:

Crying that I don't understand but know is all my fault;

Nap and sleep times that have gone to Mars and back with nary a hint at routine;

Night-time wakings that I'm sure are not due to hunger seeing as most websites seem to agree that a 15 month old should not need to nurse overnight anymore;

Days like roller coasters that swing from heart-melting love and fun to heart-breaking screeching and despair.

Then I find this website that says most toddlers do not actually outgrow their need for 2 naps until 15 - 18 months. And that taking them down to one nap too soon will result in a cute but energy-draining mini-grouch.

DING goes the light bulb in my head. So that's why she fell asleep in the grocery shopping cart yesterday at 11; and today in the stroller too. I thought she was over her 2 naps MONTHS ago, and had her fighting it out (literally) until after lunch. (Can you tell here that I don't get out much, seeing as it took sooo long for me to realise this??)

Over-tiredness comes in many shapes and forms, from almost permanent attachment to my boob to long sessions of tears, tears, tears.

And I have been living a confused life with a cranky child unnecessarily for several months now. Poor little thing. Lawd how she must have wanted to throttle me.

BUT! Thanks to the Internets, I have found salvation. Fingers crossed that tomorrow is a new and better day.

It made me realize though, that my initial refusal to ''schedule'' her as a little baby did more harm than good. I was so determined to 'follow her cues', that I became completely reactionary. That might work okay-ish for a newborn who simply sleeps when she is sleepy, but isn't such a good idea for a busy little thing who no doubt prefers lego to letsgoliedown.

Live and learn.

That's what I should really call this blog. Live and learn.

And I found a cool website with great, easy toddler recipes. Enjoy!

Sidenote about the sleep website: They have lots of advice for babies of all ages, so go check it out if you have any little ones. Unless you know all that already, in which case... Why didn't you tell me?? I might not have listened anyway. I'm an idiot like that sometimes. I guess I found when I needed to find it. Ironically I did ask for help today. I sat, close to tears myself, with her crying in my lap, looked up at the ceiling and pleaded ''Help me please. Help me to do this for her. Help me to do it right. Help me. I just want her to be happy.'' And TA DAH! Within 2 minutes of being online I found that website. Thank You Ceiling. I really really appreciate it. So you really should check it out. It was divine intervention.

Cuz I have shit-all else to say

2009-02-09T15:40:00.003+02:00

Thanks Nan for this one:

The Rules:

Answer these questions, USING ONLY ONE WORD! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to only use one word answers. Be sure to link to the person you received it from!

1. Where is your cell phone? dunno
2. Your significant other? office
3. Your hair? wet
4. Your mother? far
5. Your father? away
6. Your favorite song? Soca
7. Your dream last night? House
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? Presence
10. What room you are in? Study
11. Your hobby? Reading
12. Your fear? Absence
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? there
14. Where were you last night? here
15. Something that you aren’t? dead
16. Muffins? yum
17. Wish list item? heat
18. Where you grew up? Trinidad
19. Last thing you did? typed
20. What are you wearing? dress
21. Your TV? Off
22. Your pets? hairy
23. Friends? real
24. Your life? happy
25. Your mood? cool
26. Missing someone? lots
27. Car? black
28. Something you’re not wearing? drawers
29. Your favorite store? Bookstore
30. Your favorite color? red
33. When is the last time you laughed? breakfast
34. Last time you cried? post-labour
35. Who will resend this? Dunno
36. Favorite vacation? sunny
37. One person who emails me regularly? Nalini
38. My favorite place to eat? Trinidad

To boob or not to boob

2009-02-03T21:23:00.007+02:00

The Angel is 14 months old now. She is no longer a baby, although I know she will always be my baby, and I've been thinking about weaning recently.

I know that a lot of people will think that I deserve an award for having breast-fed for so long. But I also know that it is normal and natural for toddlers to nurse until they are at least 2. It is apparently a cultural thing to wean them early.

But as much as I still mostly enjoy the tender sweetness of holding my baby to my breast, I also at times don't like having my clothes yanked and my chest clawed. And how I wish the night-time feedings would end. (That being said, the current 1 or 2 night-time feedings is MUCH better than what we were dealing with up to 3 short weeks ago. ''Tears and Tantrums'' ... it saved my sanity.)

It is such an intimate experience, breast-feeding.

I never expected it to be so emotionally charged. I remember the devastation and grief I felt in the early days when I thought that I did not have enough to feed her. Although that reaction could just have been the hormones I was roller-coaster-riding on after she was born. It was a short-lived issue anyway. Soon enough I had sufficient milk to feed someone sitting clear across the room.

Then there are those moments when she smiles up at me, without letting go of course, and my heart bursts. And most recently, the michelin-man legs and toes that end up in my face are just so yummy. She is quite flexible.

I'm trying to encourage more ''loves and hugs and kisses''. Less boob needed for those. Same sweet smiles in return. And there is always some kind of food or drink within easy reach. She still seems to want the boob though. I guess she just isn't ready.

I don't want to end up doing it out of anything other than love though.

I started off so gung-ho on letting her wean for herself... whenever that would be. In keeping with my determination to be a Perfect Parent. HAHAHA. What a warped notion. I failed to be that from day one! Now, I'm praying that she won't still be nursing when she is two. I wonder how many more of those parenthood-humility-moments I have in store. Countless I'm sure.

Its a good thing this book doesn't run out of pages.

The Ganges and The Nile

2009-01-30T19:32:00.003+02:00

The Ganges and The Nile

David Rudder

Once upon a time there was a magic island,

Full of magic people.

Let me tell you a story

'Bout their pain and their glory, oh yeah.

Many rivers flowed to this naked isle

Bringing fear and pain

But also a brand new style.

And of all these rivers that shaped this land

Two mighty ones move like a sculptors hand.

And today those hands, across the land, man, they're still landscaping.

And there's no doubt we go work it out, there is no escaping.

As the river flows there are those who would change its passage.

But every common man got to under-stand up and send a message.

So put up your hand if you understand now.

Come.

See how we moving, watch how we grooving

See how we step in style.

One lovely nation, under a groove

The Ganges come meet the Nile.

Them boys with the hidden agendas, and the mind-benders,

People done take in front.

Various smart men, and politicians can come along if they want.

Cus the people got the power, and the glory.

See how we float in style.

See how we moving, watch how we grooving.

The Ganges has met the Nile

Differences, there will always be.

So let you be you, and I'll be me.

That's the damn ting self that makes it sweet.

Brother bring your drum, lewwe start to beat.

Don't mind them politcky politicky politicky politicky politicians.

And with their politricky politricky politricky politricky situations.

We done jamming and we jamming and we jamming and jam cus we know the story.

Let them fight if they want in this land of a different glory. (i might have this line wrong)

So put up your hand if you understand now

Come.

See how we moving, watch how we grooving

See how we step in style.

One lovely nation, under a groove

The Ganges come meet the Nile.

Them boys with the hidden agendas, and the mind-benders,

They will always do their do.

Various smart men, and politicians, dem could come along too.

Cus we moving with the power, and the glory.

See how we float in style.

See how we moving, watch how we grooving.

The Ganges has met the Nile

See how we moving, watch how we grooving

See how we float in style.

One lovely nation, under a groove

The Ganges come meet the Nile.

Them boys with the hidden agendas, and the mind-benders,

They will always do their do.

But now that we holding hands, trudging to the Promised Land

Them could come along too.

Cus we moving with the power, and the glory.

See how we float in style.

One lovely nation, heading to salvation.

The Ganges come meet the Nile.

Dollar Wine

2009-01-29T15:12:00.002+02:00

I know you have been dying out which soca song could possible be known all the way over here in Elbonia. Seeing as soca just isn't what you think of when you think about this country. Vodka, snow, Russia... sure. Soca? Not really.

So imagine my surprise when I found out that a song from my home country was a BIG HIT over here, and also apparently on Disney Cruises.

There is a special dance that goes along with it, of course. Like all good soca, there must be dancing instructions for the audience:

Cent : Shake your hips to the left

5 Cent : Shake 'em to the right

10 Cent : Push the booty back

Dollar : Thrust it forward like a dog humping your leg. No kidding.

Enjoy today's workout!

Pan sweet pan

2009-01-27T22:18:00.005+02:00

I was going to post a song, Trini soca of course, that a friend over here in Estonia loves. When we met (at a Caribbean party, natch) and he found out I was Trini, it was the first song he asked if I knew.

But you will have to wait with intensely baited breath for that.

Because before I found that song on youtube, I wandered over to Tash's and learnt that she is taking Lou to the pan yards tonight. And my heart broke a little. You see, pan is a BIG part of Carnival, it being our National Instrument and all. The pan yards are where the steelpan bands practice for the big competitions leading up to Carnival. And there is nothing like standing in the yard, surrounded by those sweet, pulsating rhythms.

I chose ''This One is For You Bradley'' by Phase II. They won the Panorama competition in 2006, and I heard them practice it just before I left for my life here in Estonia. It was the last time I heard live pan.

Interview With a Vampire, plus some pan.

2009-01-26T21:25:00.008+02:00

Not really though. She isn't a Vampire, as far as I know. But she is a witch, by the Church's standards. And that is a whole 'nother post.

Anywaaaaaay, gratefully, Witchypoo herself has provided the fodder for today's post in the form of a questionnaire with things that she was just dying to know about me. In my mind anyway. Otherwise I would just post music. Cuz I don' have nothing else to post. My life is all of that and all. (That shouldn't be read with sarcasm though. My life is simple, quiet and predictable. And I actually do like it like that right now. It had been the opposite for a few years. Cycles and all.)

Back to the 'view. It started here and then Witchypoo did it here, and now I'm doing it here:

1.What's the top item on your bucket list? Why?

I don't actually have a bucket list. Does everyone? I thought about it when I saw the movie, which was a highly original thought, I know, but couldn't actually decide on specific things that I MUST do before I die, other than the , again original, ''Visit India''. I guess I'm a bit more of a go-with-the-flow kinda gal. Besides, I never in a million years even thought about visiting Estonia, yet here I am 3 years, husband and child later. Life will do with me what it will. No complaints so far. Although, if I could have a say in it, I would prefer my next home-country to be a lil warmer. Brrrr.

2. What is your fondest memory as a child?

Sitting on the loo with the door wide open as my brother meandered dramatically up and down the hall shouting ''Ooohh noo.. the wind is blowing me... oohh nooo... the police are chasing meeee''. *giggle*

3. What would you most like to learn about

This changes. But right now, child psychology.

4. If you had a do-over, what would it be?

My last 2 years at high school. I would insist that I be allowed to do art. Fuck ''what kind of job are you going to get with that''. The stuff I did hasn't landed me a dream job either, and I've forgotten about 99% of it.

5. Besides blogging, what is your guilty pleasure?
A box of chocolate chip cookies every night... dunked in camomille tea. I know, I know.

And that's it :)

Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone
else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them
five questions.

Any takers?

Today's Carnival Groove: Pan in A Minor by The Grand Master Kitchener. One of, if not the BEST Steelpan song ever.

Giving Praise - Trini Style

2009-01-25T20:27:00.001+02:00

High Mas I © David Michael Rudder

Our Father who has given us this art
So that we can all feel a part
Of this earthly (lesser) heaven....amen
Forgive us this day our daily weaknessess
As we seek to cast our mortal burdens on this city...amen
Oh merciful Father, in this bacchanal season
Where some men will lose their reason
But most of us just want to wine and have a good time
While we looking for a lime, Because we feeling fine, Lord....amen
And as we jump up and down in this crazy town
Send us some music for some healing...amen

Our Father who has given us this art
So that we can all feel as if we are a part
Of your heaven....amen
Forgive us this day our daily weaknessess
As we seek to cast our mortal burdens on this painful city...amen
And on this day when we come out to play and sway
And do a little breakaway
Some will say what they have to say
But only you know the pain we're feeling.....amen

As it was in the beginning of J'ouvert
So it shall be on Carnival Tuesday ending (good vibes)...amen

Chorus:
Everybody hand raise
Everybody give praise
Everybody hand raise
And if you know what I mean....put up your finger
And if you know what I mean....put up your hand
And if you know what I mean....put up your finger
And if you know what I mean then scream
O, give Jah his praises
O, let Jah be praised
O, the Father in his mercy
Send a little music, to make the vibration raise
So Carnival Day, everybody come and celebrate
Everybody come and celebrate
See the ragamuffin congregate
Everybody come and celebrate
And everybody say, oo,a,a,oo,a,a I love my country
oo,a,a,oo,a,a I feeling irie (repeat)

Feeling Groovy?

2009-01-24T13:13:00.003+02:00

Hubby and I got hitched the week before Carnival in true trini-style with lots of people, lots of food, lots of alcohol, pore-raising-tassa-drumming, and of course, hip-shaking-soca-music (there was not much rent-a-tile dancing going on).

He left this morning for a week in California :( I miss him.

This song is from Carnival 2007, when we got married. It makes me think of my Funny Dude.

Sugar Boy
Written by: Kernel Roberts
Performed by: Patrice Roberts

Sugar, sugar (whoa whoa) X3
Sugar, sugar

[verse 1]
I don't know where you are, it hurtin' my head
I just toss and turn, you're not in my bed
Cause when fly find sugar, it just want to stick
Them women out there thirsty and they want to taste it

[chorus]
Sugar boy, sugar boy, don't play with my head
If I can't get you I don't wan't no one else
Sugar boy, sugar boy, please understand
Don't ever give my dinner to another woman

[verse 2]
All is yours my sugar baby from head to toe
Sweetness have my foot high up, I wouldn't let you go
You're truely a snake oil man in all that you do
You bring out the tiger in me when I'm loving you

[chorus]

[bridge]
Sugar, sugar (gimme sugar) X3
Sugar, sugar

[verse 3]
Do me what you want, you sweet magician
My body catching a fire while I'm wrapped in your arms
I'm going crazy every time we caress
Just don't leave me honey, you are the best

[chorus]

[bridge]
Gimme the healing, you make it right
Boy the way that you love me, give me tonight
Boy that feeling shivers my spine
Give it to me baby, one more time

[repeat verse 2]

[chorus] (X2)

[outro]
Sugar, sugar (X4)
Sugar, sugar , you're my sugar (X2)

And the winner is....

2009-01-23T19:47:00.003+02:00

*Drumroll*

Bluebella!! Whoo hooo!! You won a copy of ''Tears and Tantrums'' by Aletha Solter using my completely scientific method of closing my eyes and squiggling my finger around on the screen.

I dunno where you live though, so I can't stop by to drop it off personally. So send me an email so I can get it to you (trdonaghy AT yahoo DOT com).

I know your kids are perfect angels, but I hope it has something new and good for you :)

Because I love to torture myself.

2009-01-23T13:15:00.003+02:00

Despite my admittedly lame efforts, I am unable to ignore Carnival this year. I tried for a few weeks, from Boxing Day until this week to forget that Carnival even exists. I didn't listen to a single song, or look at a single Carnival website.

I've been involved in Carnival since childhood, like almost all trini kids. It is in my bones, my blood, my veins, my hair follicles, my sweat, even my boogers. And when this time of year rolls around, that itch starts. The fever rises. My waist and hips start moving separate from the rest of my body. My feet get the urge to jump. My hands want to hold a rag and wave. My body feels the pulse of the music.

AND I AM STUCK IN THE SNOW!!!

There will be no skimpy, beaded bikini this year. A wool coat is what I need to wear. No fancy, feathered headpiece. A knitted hat to keep my ears warm has to suffice.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

This just SUCKS!!!

But I have to laugh, because if I don't I just might go mad.

And I will continue to torture myself by listening to the music that is the backbone of Trini Carnival. Besides, I need to ensure that the Angel is well immersed in her Trini culture, right? And she loves it. Because, even though she was born here, she is a Trini. When I put it on, she bumps to the beat. Because this is a beat that you can't ignore. It forces you to move.

So, from now until it is over, I'll share it with you. I will try everyday, to post a song from Trini Carnival. Some will be old, some will be new, some slow and groovy, some crazy and fast, but they will all be a real reflection of Trinidad's heartbeat.

Enjoy!

Today: It's Carnival by Destra and Machel, from Carnival 2003.

Somewhere over the rainbow.

2009-01-20T13:33:00.004+02:00

The Angel has an ear infection :(

I noticed some time back that she was tugging at her ears, and I thought that they smelt funny. But she didn't seem to be in pain, so I didn't rush her of to the doctor, my idiot mind thinking maybe she just had an itch. I have itchy ears all the time, and never thought anything of it.

You see what happens when you listen to your mind all the time??? SHADDAP ALREADY!

Being present and aware is much harder than I thought.

And now my mom thinks that I am negligent. Because she rushed us to the doctor at the first sign of a cough and fever... because it might be meningitis.

So now we're doing the antibiotics thing. Funny enough they are the same antibiotics that I was given regularly as a child (Amoxil). I thought they would be useless by now, after all the misuse and uncompleted courses. Lord knows how many super-bugs were grown back then.

On another note, the night and nap time venting continues, with added intensity for the infection. Poor little thing. I wish I could make it all disappear. I wish I could make her life nothing but warm, sunny days with ice cream, friends, rainbows and bunnies. But I can't. Indeed, I shouldn't even wish that for her. For there would be no rainbows if it never rained.

She trusts me more and more now with her sadness and anger. When I first started accepting her cries, she would hardly make eye contact during her venting moments, and would pull away. Now, her big, sad eyes lock with mine as she pours her little heart out. Who knew that being a baby could be so hard.

There are days when I wonder if I am doing the right thing. It can be hard to listen to your baby cry like that. And I sometimes feel so helpless. I'm her mama. I should be able to make it better.

Am I saving her money on therapy later, or am I adding to her bill?

The thing is, apart from the times when she vents, she is a happy baby... growing in confidence, trusting her daddy more, needing me a bit less, and sleeping sooooooo much better.

Time will tell.

HaaaaaHaaaaaaaHaaaaaa

2009-01-18T14:23:00.003+02:00

I just realized I spelt Holy Grail wrong! KYAH KYAH KYAH KYAH. sigh.

I have found the Hole Grail of parenting and want to give it to you!

2009-01-14T14:23:00.007+02:00

No kidding.

Imagine that you have had a bad day at work. You had a brilliant idea but nobody would listen or nobody understood. The fax machine was tormenting your very soul. Lunch was crap. Traffic was insane. You couldn't find your favorite pen. Your boss was an ass. Your co-workers were idiots. You came home and just wanted to sit and vent with your best friend. Then, instead of listening, your best friend starts to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider and show you shadow puppets.

If you are a parent, grandparent, aunty, uncle, nenen, tanti, babysitter, nana, papi, teacher, or any other kind of caregiver for young children, your life will be forever changed after you read ''Tears and Tantrums'' by Aletha Solter.

I mentioned an article that I found by the same author recently. Well, the book really brings it all together.

The Angel, whom I love with every cell and fiber of my being, could be described as a clingy baby. To put it mildly. I could not do anything much at home during her waking hours. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, having a shower, computerizing, talking on the phone... all nearly impossible to achieve when she was awake. And despite being fed solid food, she still nursed a jillion times a day too (leaving her nice and plump, and me looking like a string bean). And night times weren't much better. At 13 months, my beautiful baby girl still woke up to nurse at least 4 or 5 times a night.

Until yesterday... well it kinda started last week when I mentioned the article. But I only read the book yesterday.

Last night, after following Dr. Solter's advice, my sweet, precious, beautiful, wonderful Angel peacefully slept EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT.

And today, I have been getting my work done with ease while she plays happily, coming over every so often for a snuggle or a giggle.

It is nothing short of a miracle.

How did this happen? I know you are dying to know. The book will give you a better understanding, but in short, I no longer repress her need to vent.

When she gets upset, I no longer nurse, sing, rock, soothe, distract with funny noises or silly games. I sit, lovingly hold her, look into her eyes, tell her that she is safe and loved, and accept her sadness, frustration or anger in its full force. I let her vent. How ever many times she needs to. And after 13 months of repression, she has some venting to do.

Nap time and bed time are times when we lie down together, and feeling safe in my arms, she now lets it all out. All the frustrations of her day. When she feels better, she happily and peacefully drifts off to sleep... and STAYS that way.

Some Attachment Parenting folks might not agree with this approach. Indeed, when I started following the advice of AP resources online, calming and soothing her cries was more of the focus. But I actually feel more attached and connected to the Angel when she vents with me. W She is beginning to really trust me with her sadness, fear and anger. She now knows that I will listen and accept her, unconditionally, validating her feelings. Good and bad.

So, who wants a copy of the book? I'm giving one away for free. Let me know if you want it in the comments. I'll choose the winner somehow or other by next week sometime or other.

Giggle (Because I know you are dying to know how Trinis talk)

2009-01-10T22:54:00.001+02:00

Tears on my pillow

2009-01-09T13:39:00.004+02:00

When the Angel was a newborn, I started reading everything I could find on babies. Some things made sense to me, some didn't. One thing that struck a note was from ''The Continuum Concept''. I didn't read the book, just some stuff on the website (I'm sure there is a lesson in there). The author mentioned that in the tribe she studied, the babies there hardly cried. These were not the colicky, tantrum-throwing, clingy, whiney little ones that are often prevalent in western culture.

Somehow, that little piece of information got warped in my brain. It was warped into ''If your baby cries, you are a bad parent and you are doing it wrong.''

Did I mention the warping?

So, it became my modus operandum to ensure that my baby never cried. When she became colicky at around 6 weeks, I spent her crying hours curled up with her on the bed rubbing her feet to turn the cries into moans. (The pain of my rubbing probably distracted her from her own pain, now that I think about it). When I discovered that nursing would almost instantly stop any cries, I shoved my boob into her mouth at the first note of distress. Anything that caused crying, like putting her down for a second, or not letting her play on the stairs even though I had things to do, was not done.

A year of this turned me into something resembling a slave.

Thank you Oh Warped Brain of Mine.

The lightbulb moment came recently. I started to realize that this did not make sense. That this was going to ensure that my Angel was definitely heading down the road of the ''Spoilt Brat'' that I thought I would never raise.

Then I found this website: Understanding Tears and Tantrums by Dr. Althea Solter.

Lesson Number One: It is OK to cry.

Lesson Number Two: It is IMPORTANT to cry.

Lesson Number Three: Letting my baby cry while I sit lovingly and attentively with her does not make me a monster.

Lesson Number Four: Constantly sticking my boob into her mouth is not helping her. It is actually making it worse.

Lesson Number Five: Bad feelings need to be felt and acknowledged, not distracted and pacified.

I've started to put it into practice. There has been some crying, and my clothes are covered in snot. On the first day, most of the day was spent sitting with her, drenched in tears and not getting much cooking or anything else done. But it is getting better. She is even starting to play on her own a bit. And today she fell asleep at nap time without being nursed down in her sling. A day I thought I would never see.

I have made many mistakes in her first year. And Lord knows there are a jillion more that I will make in the years to come. Hopefully, none too damaging, and hopefully she will forgive me.

At present there is an alien noise from outer space on the baby monitor.

peace and love,

Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off...

2009-01-08T14:27:00.002+02:00

Ah yes, Presence. The ability to accept and be in the Now. Elusive little thing it is. And I keep forgetting. But at least then I remember.

(I'm still reading ''A New Earth'', anyone guessed?)

And at present, the baby is making wake up noises. Thus concludes this post.

Hello Again!

2009-01-04T11:28:00.003+02:00

I know it has been forever. The essential combination of Inspiration, Time, and Computer Availability has been in short supply over the past month. I did start a couple posts, but inevitably a crisis of catastrophic proportions would arise, like a poopy nappy, and that was the end of that.

Thanks Eye and Lou for reminding me that I am loved :)

So, 2008 is soooo last year. My first year of motherhood (more love, less sleep); my second year of married life (more laughs, less shaving); my third year away from home (more freedom, less good food).

Onto 2009! I continue my journey into the realm of awareness. Fingers crossed that I maintain the momentum. N.B. The Celestine Prophecy, The Seat of the Soul, Many Lives Many Masters and A New Earth are definitely worth your time. Any others I should check out?

My Eureka moment last night: I can be happy in Estonia. The reasons for not being so are excuses out of fear. Get a grip, get a life, get off my ass and quit whining. Feel free to kick me in my cyber-butt should I regress :)

peace and love.

P.S. The Angel thought that the most fitting place for a poop was in Buckingham Castle over the holidays. tee hee hee. My (Irish) father is proud.

Baby it's cold outside

2008-12-09T23:06:00.002+02:00

This is just one of the sweetest songs I have ever heard. Enjoy :)

(I really can't stay) But baby it's cold outside
(Got to go away) But baby it's cold outside
(This evening has been) Been hoping you'd drop in
(So very nice) I'll hold your hands they're just like ice
(My mother will start to worry) Beautiful watch you're wearing
(My father will be pacing the floor) Listen to the fireplace roar
(So really I'd better scurry) Beautiful please don't hurry
(Well maybe just half a drink) Put some records on while I pour
(The neighbors might think) Baby it's bad out there
(Say what's in this drink) No cabs to be had out there
(I wish I knew how) Your eyes are like starlight now
(To break this spell) I'll take your hat your hair looks swell
(I ought to say no no) Mind if I move in closer
(At least I'm going to say I tried) What's the sense of hurting my pride
(I really can't stay) Baby don't hold out
(Both) Baby it's cold outside

(I simply must go) Baby it's cold outside
(The answer is no) Baby it's cold outside
(The welcome has been) How lucky that you dropped in
(So nice and warm) Look out the window at the storm
(My sister will be suspicious) Gosh your lips look delicious
(My brother will be there at the door) Waves upon a tropical shore
(My maiden aunt's mind is vicious) Gosh your lips are delicious
(But maybe just a cigarette) Never such a blizzard before
(I got to get home) But baby you'd freeze out there
(Say lend me a comb) It's up to your knees out there
(You've really been grand) I thrill when you touch my hand
(But don't you see) How can you do this to me
(There's bound to be talk tomorrow) Think of my life long sorrow
(At least they'll be plenty implied) If you caught pneumonia and died
(I really can't stay) Get over that old doubt
(Both) Baby it's cold
(Both) Baby it's cold outside

I took my eyes off her for 3 seconds

2008-12-08T13:10:00.004+02:00

She was standing at the bedroom door, eating a cracker. I turned around to put on a shirt. We were getting ready to go to the company's kids' Christmas party. I didn't even button up. All I did was pull the shirt over my arms. Three seconds.

Some internal alarm went off. I spun around to see her slip down the first stair. Then the second. A scream stuck in my throat as I lunged toward my precious baby, my life, now sliding down down down just beyond my desperate grasp. The third. The fourth. And on. And on. And on.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

She tried to stop herself. Tried to turn. It put her into a spin. There were four more stairs to go.

The scream made its way out as I kept trying to grab her but instead saw her rolling, head spinning, her little arms flailing as she spun and bounced out of control down to the floor.

My heart stopped beating. The world disappeared.

Her screams pierced my head. Oh Thank God. She is crying. Thank You God. Thank You God. Thank You God.

I scooped her up and ran. I found the couch and opened my eyes to look down at my screaming baby. My life.

No blood. Nothing seemed broken.

She grabbed at my breast desperate for comfort. I clung to her desperate for ... reassurance? forgiveness?

She's OK. Nothing more than a slightly swollen lip. I don't know if I will ever forget what I saw. The memory is so sharp that it still causes my heart to tighten. I don't know if I will ever forgive myself.

Funnily enough though, she still loves to climb the stairs.

How come...

2008-12-05T21:02:00.001+02:00

... when some people leave a comment I can reply to their email addy, and I can't with others???

WT... Friday

2008-12-05T12:35:00.002+02:00

Any idea why I changed this to Wednesday? Me neither.

But anyway:

The unopened pack of ham slices that were supposed to expire TOMORROW were already smelling funky. WT...? So much for the visions of club sandwiches that where shaking their bootays in my head. PBJ... meh. It silenced the growl at any rate.

They put up the Christmas trees in the mall. But that was it. Just Christmas trees. No lights. No dangly thingys. No sparkling stuff. WT... ?? Welcome to Elbonia.

And that's it! That's all I got. It's been a good week I guess :)

So let's hear yours!

Up, down, in, out, all about.

2008-12-04T18:06:00.005+02:00

She fell asleep at 4:30pm today on the way home from the mall. And it seems as I write this at 6:00 pm, like she is down for the night. Earlier this week she fell asleep at 9:30pm. Last week saw 5:30pm and 11:00 pm.

Not scheduled much???

She used to be a roughly 7 /8 pm to 7 / 8 am with a couple wake-ups in between. Now, I have no clue how things will go. I'm just following her lead.

I'm totally for ''sleep when you are tired and eat when you are hungry''. It makes perfect sense to me. But jeez, what's wrong with a lil' semblance of routine?!

So now I have the WHOLE EVENING to myself, and I have no clue what to do with it. There are dishes and toys to be packed, laundry, general cleaning, my nails, sleep debts to repay. You know, the exciting stuff. But... naah... How bout nothing for a change?

Hubby left this morning to go ride sled dogs for Santa somewhere past the Arctic Circle in Northern Finland. He said that Rudolf isn't so special... all the reindeer he has seen so far have red noses. Maybe Rudolf is just a stud like that. I wonder if he will bring back a Husky?

Later edit:

So much for that early bed time. She woke up at 7:15. It is going to be a looooong night.

The baby bit my boob and other fun tales.

2008-12-03T14:48:00.007+02:00

AAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW.

That's how I reacted to the searing feeling of her newly chipped front tooth grating away the skin of my poor, poor, right mammary.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. sniff sniff sniff.

That's how she reacted to my reaction.

''Oh no, Mama's sorry pumpkin. It's OK. It's OK. Here you go'' *returns now shredded and bleeding boob to sniffling Angel*.

*Stifle scream of agony as she resumes nursing.*

She didn't mean to. It was an accident. It was most likely my fault. It still hurts like the deepest flaming pits of hell. It was her favorite boob too. It still is.

Onto other fun stories!

I didn't marry an @ss!! I knew it! He is a wonderful, caring, sensitive, loving, funny, awesome, smart, sexy, handsome man. He just had a moment of weakness. It happens. I was a bee-atch. It happens. But everything is all lovey dovey once more :) Yay! Being in love is so yummy :)

It's CHRISTMAS!! My tree et al is up. The baby is trying her best to take it back down. I am Jingle Bell Rocking all around the kitchen thanks to this amazing lil program called Spotify. Since I can't get any Trini radio stations to play on the Mac (because the Mac, the radio stations and / or I am incompetant), I am using this nifty thingy to listen to all my music. Unless you like really crappy pop, obscure Euro trash tunes or weird techno music, Estonian radio just doesn't cut it.

Music is such an important part of Christmas, isn't it! There is nothing like the notes of those old hymns or the jingling of the bubbly Christmas pop to transport you back to your own childhood days when Christmas was a time of magic. Listening to it today while I pushed the baby around in the living room in her stroller (she likes it, we don't have to get dressed, I'm sure we look weird, but I'm not complaining) I felt that magic again.

The magic of twinkling lights; the excitement of trying to catch a glimpse of Santa and his flying reindeer; the smell of ham, home-made bread, sorrel, ponche-de-creme, turkey and stuffing; the bustling feeling of preparation in the air; the choir at church who always give it that extra jazz; the magical stories; the beautiful, fairy-tale decorations at the mall; the new curtains and freshly painted walls; the happy visitors; the creche; the generosity; the laughter of Christmas morning; the ''how yuh Christmas shaping up?'' from everybody you meet; Soca Santa sweating on the highway in his roller skates advertising Elsa's Toy Store; the any-time-of-the-day-traffic-jams; the music that plays only at this time of year.

Elbonia doesn't really celebrate Christmas. They acknowledge it all right, but I wouldn't use the word ''Celebrate''. They are a reserved people (coughcoughgrinchescoughcough) If you blink at the mall you are likely to miss the decorations. Nary is carol to be heard. Polar opposite to Trini Christmas. Trini's are everything but reserved.

This will be my 3rd year away from home for Christmas. I would give anything to be back in Trini. But Birmingham will have to do. Yup! Birmingham. One of my closest friends, Nalini and her two little girls are leaving warm and sunny / rainy Trini to spend a cold Yuletide with her brother in B'ham. The Angel, hubby and I will be crashing. We'll be kicking it pseudo-trini style, with scarves and sweaters instead of strappy tops and stilettos . Grocery lists are being compiled for real Trini ingredients as I write. And I am finally feeling ''it''.

I'm really really looking forward to Christmas this year :)

Are you feeling the feeling yet?

Bets are on.

2008-11-30T17:55:00.003+02:00

I'm still not speaking to the Large Child I married. A simple apology for being an imbecile was all that I needed. Instead, what I got was Mr. Wrong and Strong (is that just a trini phrase?). And a repeat performance on imbecility. Yes. A repeat performance.

I wonder how long it will take before it registers that:
1. Children and babies, like other mammals, need food and water on a regular and continuous basis.
2. Defending idiocy is a guaranteed panty-blocker.

I'm taking bets!

YAAAAAAAAAWN, grumble grumble grumble

2008-11-29T20:55:00.004+02:00

You know how much sleep new moms get right? Well, the ones that don't use sleep training anyway. This isn't about sleep training the Angel, so I don't need any advice there. But thanks all the same :)

The way I figure it, I'm still a new mom.

Do you know how much sleep the new mom of a sick baby gets? It is like taking the amount that she normally gets (which isn't much), and dividing it by a kajillion. Or thereabouts. You can round it off if you feel like.

Did I mention that it is winter?

One thing I learnt early on about this thing they call winter, EVERYBODY gets sick. More than once. More than twice. Heck even more than 3 times. And the ~~funny~~ thing about babies is that if someone coughs in the next town, they get sick too.

She's been sick 3 times so far. Winter just started. Sleep is allergic to me.

The bags under my eyes look like the big heavy duty garbage bags you use after a smashing party. Now if I had been to the party... that was another lifetime.

So this morning I asked the ~~man~~ large child I live with (formerly known as The Funny Dude) if he would PLEASE take the baby downstairs after I nursed her and had been up for OVER AN HOUR WHILE HE SLEPT ON OBLIVIOUSLY so that I could grab just a little shut eye. Just a little.

Eventually he did. Waking up takes time, you know. It does one no good to be rushed and all.

The Angel was less than impressed at first, but eventually I heard her playing begrudgingly, and I rolled over, pulled the covers over my head and literally Slippery-Slope-FELL into a deep sleep.

But OF COURSE, it was just too good to last.

Her cries woke me up. It's an evolutionary thing I hear. Apparently dads don't have that ''baby is crying = alarm bell in my soul'' gene. Which explains why he is usually SLEEPING ON OBLIVIOUSLY while I am NOT.

But I forgot to give you some background:

EVERY morning for the past SIX MONTHS or so, I make breakfast for us. Fruits, yogurt, bread, cheese, eggs, oatmeal, pancakes... any combination of those that I can throw together. Hubby usually just drinks coffee. I feed the baby and myself. EVERY MORNING. This is NOT a new routine.

Back to the story.

Hubby opens the door to my short-lived haven and hands over a teary, sobby, snotty, sad, little Angel. Poor thing.

''Did you give her breakfast?'' was my STOOOOOOOOPID question.

Honestly, if I could turn back time, I wouldn't have bothered to ask. And saved myself a butt-load of thunderbolts.

''We don't have anything,'' was the ~~DAFT AND OBVIOUSLY UNINFORMED~~ reply.

You see, there was yogurt, bread, cream cheese, butter, oatmeal, cheerios, baby biscuits, fruits, even left-over pizza.

But STUPID ME!!

I LEFT THE IDIOT THINGS IN THE FRIDGE!!!

Preeeesenting: The Angel's First Year complete with sappy Savage Garden song.

2008-11-28T12:26:00.006+02:00

I finally got it to work. YAY!! clap clap clap. *takes a bow*

I know the song is super cheesy; but since she was born, every time I hear it, I fill up and overflow with Mommy Love. Probably not the reaction they had in mind when they wrote it, but... tough cookies.

So here you go. The Angel's first year.

WT... on Wednesday

2008-11-26T14:26:00.004+02:00

It's that time again! You know, where I share with you all the *beep* moments of my week.

I planned everything for the Angel's first birthday on Sunday gone... a clown to do balloon tricks, a menu that wasn't entirely based on sugar, friends from near and far with kids, balloons galore, custom-designed cake, hats and noisy thingamabobs. Everything. Or so I thought. I forgot to ask Mother Nature for permission to have a 'do'. And she had other plans. She thought a SNOW STORM would be more fun. WT...(AAAAAHHHHH) So much for the party. We ate the cake anyway, with 2 neighbours who braved the blizzard to join us. And then built a snow-man.

Google keeps ignoring me when I try to log in. WT...??? And that means blogger too. This post is a fluke.

Hours spent putting a slideshow of the Angel's first year together, complete with sappy music, seem to be in vain. Blogger and YouTube won't let me upload it. WT... (grrrrrrrrrr).

Some Estonian kids keep showing up at my door dressed in weird costumes and singing weird songs. And I have to give them snacks. WT...! Halloween was weeks ago! Now I have no more cookies.

Not too bad a week actually. It could have been worse.

What about you? How has your week gone so far?

Thursday 13. My first year of being a Mama.

2008-11-20T07:09:00.004+02:00

In a few days, the Angel's first year will have be over. My baby just isn't a baby anymore. There were times during this year that I longed for her to be older just so I could understand and be understood, but there were countless more times when I held onto every inch of her soft, baby sweetness and whispered ''I want you to stay like this forever.''

1. Mommy-love is the most overwhelmingly beautiful thing that I have ever experienced. When she was first born, it took me completely by surprise and I swore I could never have another baby. It just wasn't possible to love more than one person this much. Now, I'm not so sure. Me thinks me wants more... lots more :) (Relax honey, I can wait a little while longer.)

2. Labour is the most horrendously, excruciatingly PAINFUL thing that I have ever experienced. When it was over, I swore that I would NEVER EVER EVER have another baby. There was NO WAY IN HELL that I would put myself through that again. And that was with an epidural (or so they told me). Now, I'm not so sure. Me thinks me wants an all-natural home birth next time :)

3. I don't know of anything sweeter than my baby's smile.

4. I don't know of anything more heartbreaking than my baby's tears.

5. Sleepless nights suck. You get over it and live to see another day. Although that doesn't change the fact that it sucks. It sucks especially hard when, despite being awake for half the night, the baby decides to start the day at 5:30 am.

6. Sucking the snot out of your newborn's nose when she can't breathe isn't as gross as it sounds. It tastes like water, but slightly more gelatinous. I know you were dying for that tidbit of information :D

7. Everyday I experience more joy than I knew existed before I had her.

8. I have, at times, gone days without a shower; I have often been covered in puke, snot, pee, poop, and sometimes a combination; I can't remember the last time I had my nails done or wore high heels; I am still fabulous :)

9. Now that she is a toddler, I miss my baby.

10. Now that she is a toddler, I can't wait to see who she will become.

11. A toddler is a world of fun, shrieking giggles, silly games, tests of patience, jiggly bottoms scurrying away at nappy-change-time, splashy baths, everything needs to be tasted, cupboards are for emptying, cat tails are for pulling, sweet snuggles, and unabashed love.

12. A newborn is a world of tiny hands, the sweetest angel sighs, itsy bitsy clothes, heart-breaking tenderness, softly curled little bodies, miraculous beginnings, and love love love.

13. Seeing a man lovingly take care of his baby is a guaranteed panty-dropper. (thanks for that lovely expression Witchypoo :)

WT... on Wednesday

2008-11-19T14:43:00.001+02:00

CENSORSHIP!! WT...

Because I'm a good girl who listens to her parents (kyaaah kyaah kyaaah) I've decided to change my smash hit 'WTF Friday'. It was a one hit wonder. Now, you can express yourself with varying degrees of shock, surprise, anger, OMG'ness; from ''What the Heck'', to ''What the Blazing Red Firetruck''.

Express yourself!

No, I'm not a snob

2008-11-13T20:35:00.002+02:00

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It's just that I can't seem to find the time to check you out, my wonderful bloggy friends, or if I do, I can't get around to writing my comments. I sometimes get as far as clicking on your link... but then the baby wakes up.... again. She's teething.... again.

And for the past couple days I bin bizy making the invitations for her first birthday party! How exciting!!! Drawing and cutting and gluing and, and, and... Oh My!! I'm in kindergarten heaven.

So now I have to play ketchup. A quick glance yesterday let me know that there are many wonderful posts and comments waiting to be read. I'm drooling with anticipation, kinda like the Angel is also doing atm.

Off I go!

Tea Time

2008-11-12T21:05:00.003+02:00

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Me: ''Turn on the kettle please honey.''

Funny Dude winks seductively at said kettle and suggestively rubs its smooth, round body: ''Uh huuuuuhhhh''

Funny Dude: ''No?''

Poor fella.

WTF Friday

2008-11-07T11:48:00.005+02:00

Last night I found out that today will be Friday. WTF! Where did the week go? In honor of my Eureka moment, I present all the things this week that have made me say WTF:

Only 35% of Estonians supported Obama. WTF??

The fact that this was a defining moment in history was not that important here (except to us foreigners). There wasn't much ado about it at all. WTF?

There was ICE on the car this morning. WTF!!

The Prime Minister of Trinidad wants to spend 35 million TT dollars to lease luxury vehicles for the Summit of the Americas from BMW in Germany. The local dealers wanted to lease them to the government at no cost. WTF?!?!?!?!?!

The tooth fairy now has to pay 20 dollars per tooth. WTF! In my day, I got 25 cents! Kinda like how in my parents' day they used to pay 3 cents for a loaf of bread, with cheese. Damn I feel old.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. So why am I doing this alone? WTF! (Yes, I have a husband, but he is at work all day. He does what he can, especially after enthusiastic discussions about the value of sitting on the couch with his laptop and its impact on the parenting experience.)

The cat's bowl is empty. Am I the only one that sees that? WTF?

I've been very tired, kinda pukey, head-achey, my boobs are sporadically leaking, but the pee-pee stick only shows 1 line. WTF??

Sarah Palin didn't know that Africa was a continent. W.T.F???????????

I saw a t-shirt that read ''Don't blame me, I voted for McCain''. WTF?

In 2 weeks, the Angel will be ONE YEAR OLD. WTF?!! Where did the year go??????? My tiny, soft, precious, beautiful, cooing, fragile little newborn is now a rumbling, tumbling, babbling, even more precious, even more beautiful toddler. But more on that in another post.

I am a wife and mother! WTF!!!!!! (But that's to be read in more of a ''Oh my God! HOW COOOOOL'' kinda way )

So there you have it. My Eureka moments for this week. Did you have any?

And now I hope.

2008-11-05T18:03:00.006+02:00

So finally Ye Yankees have done something that the rest of the world fully agrees with. Kudos. Two very enthusiastic and wiggly thumbs up, with smiley lipstick faces painted on them (not the same shade Miss Alaska uses, obviously).

And now I allow myself the feeling of hope; a feeling that I have kept a lid on for the past couple months. Although I did take a lil taste every now and again.

I hope.

I hope that if a country as large and diverse and varying with extremes as the US can come together regardless of any differences to collectively choose something good, then so too can my own tiny country.

I hope that one day my faith will be restored in Trinidad's politicians, and that one day I will have a Prime Minister and Members of Parliament that I can respect, and even look up to.

I hope that climate change becomes an important enough issue in the US for Trini politicians to be forced to take it seriously too.

I hope that my daughter will grow up in a world that isn't 90% below sea level, and destroyed by war.

I hope that war will not be never again be the first option.

I hope that the disenfranchised young men in Trinidad's ghettos will see this new president as a role model, as something worth emulating, and feel the strength they need to change their lives and neighbourhoods.

I hope that somebody reading this will send me an Obama T-shirt (size S) :) I don't care if you have worn it already. I just want a little piece of history that I can be proud of, and that will restore my faith in humanity when it needs restoring.

A scary story for Nan with horny demons and broom sticks.

2008-10-30T20:45:00.005+02:00

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My bee-ooootiful friend Nan wants us folks who read her blog to write some scary stories, preferably with ghosts. Ooooo, OOOOOO. I don't have a story with ghosts; will horny demons be ok, Nan?

Back in 1999 I worked ''down south'' in Trinidad. Every evening, I would take a taxi to Chaguanas, my home town, and call home for someone to come pick me up. This was before everybody and their toddler had cell phones, so a line at the sole working pay phone was inevitable.

Sidenote: A working pay phone in Trinidad is a rare thing, at least most of the times that I have ever needed it. Like that time Dominique and I shut down just outside the most notorious ghetto (Beetham / Laventille) at 5 am (which incidentally is a scary story by itself). We walked all over town trying to find a phone after being robbed, never found one, begged the manager at KFC to no avail, and were eventually pitied by a KFC customer who had a cell. But that's another story.

So I was walking to the snaking pay phone line, cigarette in hand after the no-smoking taxi ride and minding my own biz. At the end of the line, there is a tall, dark man with a white tam (that's the small hat often worn by muslim men). He starts looking around, agitated. Then he zeros in on me.

''You should be smoking Broadway, not DuMaurier'' he offers.

Out loud ''Um, yeah, ok'', smile. Mentally ''Whatever dude'', roll eyes and make this face :-S

''Broadway is a spiritual cigarette and you are a spiritual person''.

Raise eyebrow ''OK'', and start looking around to avoid further conversation and wish for own car to avoid the weirdos associated with public transport and public phones.

Another sidenote: If it wasn't for this particular weirdo, I would have nothing to write for Nan. So thanks dude, and thank you Universe for making not rich enough to have my own car and cell phone in 1999.

Back to the Man in the Tam. ''Your lucky colour is blue, and your business day is Wednesday. You should wear blue on Wednesdays when you have meetings or anything important at work.''

Sigh, I guess this beats standing in a long line staring at my toes. ''Yeah? What else?''

From here on, my memory gets a bit blurry. There were a bunch of things he told me, but I don't remember them all. So where's the scary part, right? It's coming, it's coming.

''You have bruises on your thighs. You get headaches and back pains. You have a vaginal infection.''

BLINK BLINK.

''There is a demon having intercourse with you on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. That's why you wake up feeling so tired on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.''

Honestly, I thought the Saturday crap feeling was just a hangover. The other days, were probably because I went to sleep too late. Couldn't explain the bruises, pains and itchies though. As for how the hell he KNEW???

''It was from a woman, through a man. She is jealous of you. Your light is growing dim and you need to do something about it.''

I think I asked him what I needed to do, or something else at that point. I remember he told me how to get to where he lived because he could help me; he was a Spiritual Baptist leader, also known as an Obeah Man (Voodoo Doctor is another name).

''But you will do something when the time is right for you.''

By this time, we are at the front of the line. He makes his call; I, with shaking knees make mine.

We continued talking; I guess about my demons. I don't really remember.

A few days later, I was liming (that's trini-speak for hanging out) with my usual crew, at the usual place: The Sheppard's house. Nan, being married to a Sheppard, was also there. Of course I told my story. Nan offered to take me to see a friend of hers, a yogi.

Sometime later (a few weeks, or maybe even months I think) we went.

Deep into the Paramin hills of Trinidad's Northern Range.

It looked like something out of a movie; maybe like a hobbit village in Lord of the Rings.

A house built into the mountain. Small huts around. White painted stones. Meandering paths. Huge trees that grew where they wanted, and have lived longer than my grandparents.

The yogi had long whitish-blonde hair. She had that open warmth about her. The kind where you know the person is real. She hugged like that too. An open full hug. ''We were sisters in a past life'' she told me.

Yes, it's another sidenote. She also told me that I will be a writer. And that I should write when I can. It has only taken me nearly 10 years to start doing it.

I told her about the man, the demons, how much I prayed that night, and many nights after, and that the symptoms had gone.

She took me, with my friend Rachel to one of the wooden huts. Nan was pregnant at the time, and decided to stay back at the main house. There was a straw mat on the ground, big open windows; a little bird was flitting around inside.

''You can lie down there'' she said warmly, pointing at the mat, and picking up 2 cocoyea brooms.

Sidenote of actual importance: Cocoyea is the spine of coconut tree leaves. The leaves are stripped, and the spines can then be tied together in big bunches to make brooms. They are great for sweeping the yard, and also, apparently for getting rid of horny demons.

''Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali'' she chanted, circling me, sweeping the spindly brooms over my body, inches from my skin. ''Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali'' louder and louder, picking up the pace.

''Get out! You are not welcome here. Leave her alone. Go away.'' Sweeping, circling, chanting.

''Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali''. Her chants began to get calmer, softer. And then she stopped.

''You must be a very strong person to have kept him off for so long. But he is gone now.''

Friday night

2008-10-27T21:46:00.005+02:00

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I had me a lil ol' celebration of my fantastic 30 years of life, coupled with a housewarming.

I'm trying to get the music list done, and downing my first glass of wine. Do you see why I don't blog more often? My desk is still-to-be-unpacked-boxes, and my chair is a still-to-be-unpacked suitcase.

There was still paper on the windows because we haven't bought curtains / blinds yet. We haven't decided what we want yet. Paper works for now. Haute Couture. The latest in window treatment design. By my 3rd glass of wine, incidentally, I was going into great detail on how to avoid an episiotomy via perineum massage with my pregnant friend and her husband, seen here.

I don't remember, but I'm sure it was really funny.

UFO?

We make such a CUTE couple! Notice the tilt in the glass numero 4?

I do actually have friends, I just need to throw parties to get them to come around more often.

Thursday Thirteen... on turning 30

2008-10-23T10:16:00.005+03:00

As some of you know, I hit the top of the hill yesterday! Whooot whoot!! To celebrate, I had a lovely nap. Bliss. Thanks for all the good wishes, tips, Facebook messages, text messages, phone calls and Happy Birthday vibes that you sent my way :) Every one of them made me smile, and that's always a good thing!

I thought that maybe I would give this Thursday Thirteen thingamabob a try. Surely I can think of 13 things to say about the journey to turning 30. So here we go:

1. Life gets a bit clearer when you are who you really are. Not that I fully know who I am yet, but I am beginning to know her. She isn't half bad, is surprisingly intuitive when she really listens to her soul voice, and doesn't like people who aren't real (ironic huh!). I don't know why I spent so much time trying to be who I am not (maybe I was just trying out different styles), but I am glad that the real me is showing up more often.

2. Relationships are easy when they are with the right people. The difficult ones generally aren't worth the hassle. As I get a lil older, I'm finding it easier to let go of the difficult ones.

3. I don't know half as much as I thought I did; but I'm beginning to learn.

4. No matter what your philosophy is on life, parenting, work, books, art, how to put on a nappy, the best way to cook chicken, what colour shoes you should wear or coffee vs tea, there will be people who will think that you should do it differently. This is a good thing. Doing what I truly believe is best is almost always best for me.

5. Fresh air is always good.

6. Comfy shoes are better than ankle-breakers / circulation-cut-off'ers. Now we just need them to start making the impossible: Comfy AND pretty. Until then, sometimes I'll just have to grin and bear it :-)

7. Partying is fun.

8. So is curling up on the couch with hubby / a good book / the laptop / the cat.

9. I like not waking up with a hangover.

10. Girlfriends are essential. I miss mine and wish they didn't all live so very far away. Writing that made me cry ;-(

11. I am incredibly lonely.

12. My family is the most important thing there is in my life. Hubby, my baby, my parents and brother are my world.

13. Becoming a mom has finally given me a real purpose in life. No ''job'' can give me the kind of joy or fulfillment that taking care of my baby and family does. I know that I couldn't have this life back in Trinidad (Estonia's maternity leave is 1.5 years fully paid), so I guess I just have to work harder at not being lonely. On the same note, no job has ever been this hard. It is the steepest learning curve I have ever encountered, coupled with the least sleep, non-stop 24/7 demands, and hourly tests of my patience which I sometimes don't pass. But I would never ask for it to change... except maybe that she would sleep all night, be immune to teething pain and colds, and think that the view from the floor was much cooler than the view from my sometimes weary arms.

13.5 I still feel like I'm 27. And I'm glad that I am no longer 21, as much crazy fun as it was.

So there we have it. It is a milestone. I have reached it. I still have faaaaaar to go, and if the journey from here on out is even half the fun that the past 30 years have been, I'm in for a cool ride.

housewife + blogging equations

2008-10-21T14:11:00.005+03:00

bigger house = more housework

new house = i like to keep it looking new and clean

baby trying to feed herself = mess mess mess

I like being barefoot, but hate feeling grit or dust underfoot when I'm inside + baby trying to feed herself + return of cavorting cat who does nothing but shed hair all day long = me sweeping so many times I wonder if I am on the verge of OCD.

me on the verge of OCD + bigger house + new house = having very little time to blog

having very little time to blog - convenient access to computer as it is on the floor because we haven't bought a desk yet = not much blogging done.

1 swanky new fangly ipod touch from hubby = I can still read everybody else's blog but really couldn't be bothered trying to type comments or my own blog entries with one finger on such a small screen.

writing this blog post = me choosing not to use the baby's nap time to have a shower or take a nap myself.

I know by now you are just over yourself with jealousy for the excitement that is my life ;-)

On the other hand, tomorrow = Happy 30th Birthday to Moi!

What shall I do?! What shall I do?!?! Sweep again? Vacuum again? Nap? Shower? Decisions decisons!

QOTD

2008-10-16T15:00:00.001+03:00

"Nobody tells you that if you live long enough and if you survive the inevitable stresses and mistakes, the best part of parenting is having your children in your life as adults ... your ultimate purpose is to get through the child development years to savor the pleasure of having in your life a magnificent adult with whom you have an excellent relationship ... if you're aware at the beginning how this process works, you can make better choices about the kind of memories you want to end up with."
Lois Haddad.

Baby steps

2008-10-16T12:10:00.007+03:00

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She's taking them! Yes folks, the Angel is walkin'. It will be a while before she is ready for a marathon, but the first shaky but proud, tentative but determined, I don't need my mama, baby steps have been taken. This is when it is supposed to get easier, right? Right? Please say yes!

I'm so proud of her. *beaming stupid grin*

But I don't think it can compare to how proud she is of herself :)

And just in time too. All I have been hearing from my mom is how my brother and I walked in 10 months. And it's still a few weeks until her 11 month birthday. Not that it matters to me. But now my mom can go telling her friends that her grandchild is walking.

She seems to have taken after me though... most comfortable when barefoot. Shoes just seem to get in the way. A sad state of affairs when it is 10ˇC outside.

I don't have a video yet. When she was doing her thang I glanced longingly at the camera perched on the kitchen counter, knowing that if I got it, all she would want to do it eat it. And then you would have a video of baby teeth and drool and not baby steps.

On another note, Alex spent his 3rd night somewhere that isn't here :( I'm still holding onto hope that he will come home.

P.S. I entered some of those fave thingies on my profile, if you care.

P.P.S She is actually 1 week away from 11 months... and 1 week away from my 30th! OMG!! When did that happen???

Puusy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?

2008-10-14T13:48:00.002+03:00

London visiting the Queen?
The row of houses under construction across the street?
A neighbour's garage?
Inside the neighbour's dog?

My cat Alex iz mizzin. I opened the door last night and out he went. With laptop in one hand, squiggly baby in the other, my parents on Skype and a lasagne beeping in the oven, I just wasn't able to stop him.

Alex is where they get the phrase Scaredy Cat. And with the move to the new house, plus a complete lack of any outdoor experience (we lived in the city and he didn't know how to operate the elevator), he must be pissin himself somewhere. He might hear me calling him, but he ain't gonna answer.

I've put his litter box and some food outside (as per the experts) and am keeping hope alive.

Any other tips on locating stupid cats?

He doesn't have a collar or microchip :(

Another tale from the rock, and a lil extra

2008-10-13T21:19:00.003+03:00

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First, the lil extra: We moved into our new home this weekend! I am currently wading through boxes, bags, suitcases, dust, yadda yadda yadda, with an Angel who is trying to walk, but mostly just pulling my pants down. I'll be a hit with the neighbours for sure.

Now, onto Another tale from the rock, courtesy my brother in Bermuda:

Yes folks,

El Capitan here again with another tale of the strange occurances in the triangle.

This weekend is a long one and most of the trinis were either abroad like Jasen enjoying Miami carnival and Shelly (Safraz's wife) eating out the whole of Minnesota or moving incognito like Michael so it was down to Safraz and yours truly.

We decided that we would go fishing on this very afternoon. Safraz had heard of a nearby fishing spot on the Rockaway jetty. Yes folks, its so strange that not even I could make up that name and yes, Safraz is the same one who made us end up in the choppy water aboard the HMS Sinkeasy.

The sky was very overcast and a cold breeze was blowing when we got to the jetty. We scoped out the waters around the jetty and noticed that there were several good fish about.

We were getting our fishing rods ready when Safraz got up and started walking towards the stairs. At first I thought nothing of it - you see, my rod is an exceptionally long rod and requires proper handling and technique to get it full strength and readiness so I was preoccupied...as far as I know he could have been going down the stairs to let something out of his rod!

While cutting the bait to put on the hook I heard this splash...well more of a "splutunk". It sounded like a shoe had landed in the water. Still, I had to look as we were the only 2 people in the area. There was no one around, not even Safraz!

After a few seconds had passed, Safraz's head resurfaced and he was desperately trying to climb back on the jetty but the tide was still too low for him to reach so I ran down those stairs as only El Capitan could but did not think that whatever happened to him could also happen to me! Too late.

As I reached the last stair, I skidded on the moss and screamed "AAAAAA" but fate had a different plan for me. I just landed on the last step but still could pull Safraz to safety.

After I laughed myself back to the top, I asked what happened and told him the only thing I heard was this innocuous "splutunk". Maybe it was the laughter but I still have no idea what he went down those stairs for only that he slipped off the jetty without making a "peep". The man silently fell off a jetty folks.

Perhaps if he had done like me and screamed he would have landed back on the stairs.

Out of the Butts of Babes

2008-10-07T13:15:00.004+03:00

ˇ
A 10 cent coin. Roughly the size of one US penny.

The Angel that laid the Golden Egg?? Our very own ATM machine? The Alchemist reincarnated?

I swear I didn't feed it to her. Cross my heart. See picture for proof that I am not a completely delinquent parent.

Though sorely tempted to provide photographic evidence that I am not making this up for the sake of a blog post, I decided you may prefer to take my word for it.

See! Veggies, not money. Veggies.

Typical Morning Conversations with the Funny Dude, Part 2

2008-10-06T10:15:00.005+03:00

ˇ
Hubby: I think I shall buy myself a new hat... like This One!

(Click here for Part 1)

More about Moi

2008-10-01T20:58:00.003+03:00

Thanks to Green Girl, I have something to say today. In real life, I'm not exactly known as quiet, so why is it so darn hard to get a post together sometimes???

Anyway, I got this from her. And since I know you are all DYING to know more about Moi, here you go:

1. What are your nicknames? T, Teri, Hoooney, mamama, and my mom used to call me Tessa a billion light years ago.

2. What game show and/or reality show would you like to be on? Since this is completely hypothetical, I would love to be on Jeopardy, cuz to even qualify would mean that I'm really REALLY smart.

3. What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD? I can't remember VHS, but the first DVD was Memoirs of a Geisha... crappy pirate copy for 10 TT dollars (about 1.50 US) downtown in Trini.

4. What is your favorite scent? A Bakery, and sweet, clean baby.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it? Get my whole family together for Christmas. Bank the change.

6. What one place have you visited that you can't forget and want to go back to? New York.

7. Do you trust easily? Yeah, unless you are obviously full of sh*t.

8. Do you think before you act, or act before you think? This is a toss up, but I am finally learning to think first... some of the time.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days? That I will miss yet another Trini Christmas with my family. Trini's do Christmas better than Anybody, Anywhere. The music, food, drinks, house limes (get-togethers) and the prelude to Carnival. I haven't felt it in 3 years :(

10. Do you have a good body image? I'm a yummy mummy ;-)

11. What is your favorite fruit? Fresh young coconuts with soft jelly, mangoes, cold watermelon, all kinds of berries. I can't narrow it down to 1.

12. What websites do you visit daily? My bloggy friends, Trinidad Express, Yahoo

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately? A box of chocolate chip cookies and camomille tea at night after the baby goes to bed, and Oprah at the same time. And this whole new world of Blogging.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is? I don't really know her well, but she seems pretty cool so far.

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head? Day-O, Daylight come and me wanna go home. I did a lil dance routine with the Angel earlier... had her giggling :)

16. What's your favorite item of clothing? As of today, my new, super-comfy Victoria's Secret jammies that hubby bought on his trip.

17. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy? Definitely more-ish

18. What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground? Pick it up and thank the Universe for its many blessings, unless I see the owner nearby... in which case, well, he should be thanking the Universe for me.

19. What items could you not go without during the day? The Angel's sling; for everything else, there is an alternative.

20. What should you be doing right now? The dishes... bleh.

I don't like the whole tagging thing, so I won't. But feel free to DIY. Lemme know if you do, so I can come check it out :)

Wanna free NICE bag?

2008-09-30T20:40:00.006+03:00

I found out about this from Witchypoo and am always up for a new bag. Who isn't???

So while my poor hubby is dead asleep on the couch, I am passing this onto you.

Handbag Planet is launching their new website and they're giving away 24 bags in 24 hours to celebrate. Just click here and you're in!

The bags are pretty nice too.

With love from Moi.

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

2008-09-29T21:40:00.003+03:00

I love ya,
Tomorrow.
You're only a DAY AWAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!

Shave legs et al - Check
Wash hair - Check
Buy special stuff for dinner - Check
Buy his favorite beer - Dang, I knew there was something I forgot. Will correct this on the morrow.
Go to sleep early tonight - Checked as soon as this is posted.

Y'all unnerstan if you don't hear from me tomorrow, right?

Not the sharpest tool in the shed

2008-09-28T08:10:00.004+03:00

Hubby: Honey! We're going to see the Hoover Dam this weekend!

Me: That's the one from the Beavis & Butthead movie, right?

Hubby: Um, yeah. (weird look comes over his face and there is a slight shake of his head)

Me: Yeah. Of all the millions of interesting facts about the Hoover Dam, that's the one I remember.

What can I say... I just have more pressing issues competing for grey matter than Hoover and his Dams :-P

Saturday night on the couch.

2008-09-27T22:22:00.006+03:00

My last weekend of the single mama drama. WHEW. Praise the Universe and everybody in it. I have survived this far, surely I can go a few more days until the LOVE of my LIFE gets back into my lonely arms on Tuesday to be squished for hours and hours and hours. I will show the Angel the TRUE meaning of clingy.

She misses him too. She just lights up when she hears Skype ringing and sees him on the screen :)

On another note, I seem to have got the whole step-mommy thing down! Yes, I am a step-mama too... and apparently not of the beautiful but evil with poisoned apple persuasion. My step-daughter has spent both weekends with us, even though her dad isn't here... by her own choice. I guess I can't be doing too badly a job if she wants to hang out with me all weekend long, twice. Although I'm sure the Angel does get some credit... and the absence of a certain pesky younger brother that you don't have to share the computer with. But it has been cool. Becoming a mama myself has made the step-part muuuuch easier and more fun.

And Saturday night finds me curled on the couch, cup of tea in hand, my book and cat on my lap. I have been trying to read this book since my Mom gave it to me back home in July. Which really is not an accurate reflection of how good it is. It really is good. I have had so many moments of ''Yes, this is True'' reading it. Which just cause me to put it down and get lost in my own thoughts as I ponder the deep, real wisdom that is The Seat of the Soul. Anybody else read it?

Martha or Maxine??

2008-09-25T22:25:00.004+03:00

I got this in an email so I get nada credit for it. Made me giggle a bit, and I am always happy to share a good giggle :)

Are you Martha or Maxine?

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Celery? Never heard of it!

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Soooo... which one are you??? 3 guesses as to who I am!

Oh so very very very loooong day

2008-09-22T21:25:00.002+03:00

Hubby has been in the US o' A for the last week. He's still there. He's gonna be there all this week too.

I have been here. A.L.O.N.E.

This single mom stuff is very very (badword) hard.

Tash, and Bella, hats off to you ladies. And in case you forget, tell your parents how much you LOVE and APPRECIATE the HELP and SUPPORT that they give you. Because, trust me, not having ANY SUPPORT, is NOT EASY.

I am too tired to think straight, and have had to correct too many typos in the last 5 lines.

Oh Happy Day!

2008-09-18T21:53:00.005+03:00

You guys and gals ROCK! I opened my email this morning and Whoop Ti Whooop!! Comments out the wazoo! So I started singing and dancing with the Angel and playing this.

And so my Friday is off to a wonderful start. Thanks folks :)

PLUS!! The sun is all shining and pretty too. *cue the birds singing*

Have a Fabulous Day!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

2008-09-18T21:53:00.004+03:00

Firstly, thanks Tash for the inspiration for this post :)

So what make me happy:

Comments on my blog (hint hint)
Chocolate chip cookies
Big, warm mugs of tea
Laughing and playing with the Angel
Laughing and playing with Hubby
Flowers (hint hint hon)
A video call with my parents
Hearing from my brother
Successfully cooking a tasty meal that Hubby and I genuinely enjoy
A cant-put-down book
Night time snuggles
Catching Pretty Woman on TV
Movies with a happy ending
A good gossipy phone call with my girlfriends (whom I miss sooooo much)
Knowing that I am where I am supposed to be.

P.S. Nan, this is for you :)

In Tallinn Today

2008-09-17T20:19:00.004+03:00

The leaves are changing colour. The bright green of summer is turning into a blend of gold, bronze, red, and orange.

Gone are the light and lazy cotton t-shirts. Heavy coats, wool sweaters, knitted scarves, warm gloves now cocoon their hurried wearers. The wind is brisk and biting.

Sunset is earlier than it was yesterday. Sunrise is later.

The smell of fast approaching winter is in the air.

Peekaboo!

2008-09-15T22:18:00.000+03:00

And now for something completely different.

2008-09-12T22:19:00.003+03:00

I'm willing to bet that most of you won't have a clue who Apache Indian is. To begin with, he's not Native American, he's the other kind of Indian, you know the ones who eat spicy stuff, and have funny accents, and are either IT experts or doctors.

Or in this case, reggae singers.

Yes, I know. The thought of an Indian reggae singer is a little strange.

But nonetheless, he is. And he has had a couple hits like this and this. Well, they were big hits in Trinidad at any rate. Tash, I am SURE you remember boogieing to these at Coconuts or Base or Life ;-)

Last night hubby, being a huge dancehall and reggae fan (another reason he married a Caribbean chick, Moi) came across something very very different from Apache.

And it really struck something in me. If you liked Shanti / Ashtangi by Madonna, you will probably like this too.

And there's your Friday Entertainment from me :)

Peace and love

2008-09-11T21:52:00.002+03:00

I haven't come up with anything of my own today, but I did find this to share.

Enjoy!

Because YOU make my day :)

2008-09-09T15:06:00.006+03:00

My fantastically fabulous friends Nan and Tash, whom some of you know, are all about sharing the love. They gave me this:

I sat here, drinking water from the angel's sippy cup because I am too lazy / tired to go get my own, and thought about the bloggy folks that make my day too.

Then I had to go season some chicken for dinner, kiss a boo boo, play with Mr. Elephant, research a new stroller online because the one I bought is total crud, dance the Angel down for her nap.

Sidenote 1: The Quinny Zapp is an overpriced and oversized umbrella stroller. Don't be fooled. Don't waste your money. Anyone wanna buy a almost-never-used one?

Sidenote 2: I 'm kinda jealous of ye who can just put your babies down and they go to sleep. I love dancing / swinging / rocking her to sleep, but sometimes my back... she is getting heavy. Its just a phase.

But back to the important stuff: You, You and YOU!! I give this award to You.

Because YOU make my day :) Everybody that spends their precious time reading my brain-farts. You make me feel special and loved. And you help me feel less lonely. And you make me laugh. And you inspire me. And you help me to challenge myself. And you let me be me.

And I am grateful grateful grateful.

So thank you for coming to see me. And thank you for sharing with me.

You totally make my day, everyday :)

Who makes your day? Pass it on and let them know.

A tale of 2 mamas

2008-09-08T20:27:00.007+03:00

My mom and I had a fairly typical relationship growing up. She, the experienced older woman, would tell me what to do, and I, the all-knowing teenager, would do the opposite. She was generally right. I generally got caught. And the times I didn't get caught, I think she and my dad just pretended... or ignored.

Things didn't change much when I entered my 20's. I was still all-knowing, and desperate to be out from under her wings. She was still being my mom.

Needless to say, there were some, ahem, differences of opinion, in our household.

But then I moved away. And got engaged. And got married. And got pregnant. And had a baby.

The day I came home from the hospital, she helped me get undressed, much like she did when I was a baby. Walking was difficult, as it can be after some 7+ pounds of small human explodes from your lady bits. So she walked for me. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, laundry, grocery shopping in a place that doesn't label anything in English, walking the baby... everything that needed to be done. So that I could sleep, and heal.

I don't know how I would have gotten through it without her and kept my sanity intact.

Needless to say, our relationship has changed.

I don't know if all mother-daughter relationships go through a change after the daughter herself becomes a mom. But I don't see how it can't. All of a sudden you become aware of a whole new perspective. And you begin to understand. And you are sorry for things that you said or did.

Today is my mom's birthday :) Her only wish was to hold her grand-daughter again. I wish she could have too, so I could go pee take the pictures I forgot to take when we were home in July. But we made do with the webcam. Its not perfect, but its all we have for now.

Happy Birthday Mom!! Wish you were here.

Brilliance, genius and excessive boasting

2008-09-06T15:00:00.002+03:00

You will have to forgive me for this, but I just HAD to.

The angel is the smartest baby ever ever ever on the planet. I'm her mama, so I get to say that.

You get to say it about your babies too, of course.

But this is my blog.

So I shall say it again. She is the smartest, most genius, excessively gifted with extreme intelligence blah blah blah...

She learnt to say Milk! Well, sign, not actually say out loud. She's only 9 months. but still. I have been showing her the sign for milk when we nurse for about 3 weeks now, and today she started doing it too.

And then the heavens opened and angelic voices with a pretty beam of sunlight came down.

In case you give a hoot, the sign for milk is a fist that you open and close like you're milking a cow. Or so it looks to me.

And that's my story for today.

I got pissed off cuz hubby doesn't have boobs

2008-09-04T21:40:00.002+03:00

And we wonder why they say women are impossible to please????

Not that I really want him to have boobs per se. I don't think that look would particularly suit him.

It was more of me wishing I could remove mine, just for a little while, and maybe give them to someone else, albeit temporarily.

I wish that for one night, just one night, I could sleep, all night long, without them being sucked on, tweaked, kicked, grabbed, squeezed... a jillion times.

Sigh.

Mmmmmmmmmm, shrimp

2008-09-02T10:50:00.003+03:00

If you love shrimp even half as much as I do, then this recipe is for you. Super easy, super quick (like 10 minutes), SUPER YUM. And you can make it as spicy as you want. Being half-indian, I like to feel steam coming outta me ears, and hubby likes it hot too... that's why he married me, of course.

You're gonna need:
4 tbsp vegetable oil
2 cloves of garlic cuz vampires will come if you don't use garlic and you may not have a wooden stake handy.
1 tbsp crushed ginger. This really is not a lot of ginger, and the supermarket makes you buy this HUGE root, so you end up with lots left over. So unless you use ginger regularly, you will have to make this again.. several times... to use your ginger and not waste it. Because there are starving children in Africa.
2 lbs of big shrimp, cleaned. They say this should feed 8, but hubby and I ate it all by ourselves. I bought the frozen shrimp with the tails still attached cuz I like to suck them.
1/3 cup finely chopped chive that I can't think of anything to say about.
1 cup tomato sauce, ditto
2 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce, or wha-ch-ch-ch-ch sauce as we call it
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
2 tbsp rum. I used red, cuz I hate white rum. No true trini drinks white rum. Royal Oak or 1919 is the best. Pour another glass for yourself as well.
Coke or Diet coke
Ice
1 tsp Monosodium glutamate (msg). I didn't use this. I hear its really bad for you, and have no idea how to translate it into Estonian anyway.
Black pepper
1 tbsp cornflour mixed with 2 tbsps of water
Hot pepper. They say that this is optional. But it isn't really. I can't imagine this without pepper.

Now you gotta:
Mix the rum in the glass with the coke and ice, but not too strong cuz you will be playing with knives and fire. Take a drink. Think about the beach.
Heat the oil in a pot or wok if you have fancy chinese cooking stuff. I used a pot.
Stir fry the garlic and ginger for a few seconds; add the shrimp and cook on a high heat for 3-4 minutes until they turn pink.
Add chive, tomato sauce, wha-ch-ch-ch-ch sauce, salt, sugar, 2 tbsps of rum, msg if you want, pepper and cornflour.
Cook until the sauce thickens (about 5 minutes).
Relax and finish your rum and coke.

You can serve it with rice. I like Jasmine rice and Basmati rice, but I guess any other rice will be fine too.

Enjoy!

By the way, the recipe is called Chow Har Lok as per the Trini Naps cookbook.

Tony

2008-08-31T10:39:00.004+03:00

I realized this morning how angry I have been for a long time. Angry with him for things he did that hurt me. Angry with him for throwing his life away bit by bit over the past years. Angry with him for not facing his demons. Angry with him for ignoring the love and help his friends and family tried over and over to give him. Angry with his parents. Angry with myself.

I can't be angry anymore. I cannot judge.

The universe unfolds the way it should. Thank you for reminding me of that Tash.

Today is his funeral. A gifted, intelligent, loved, young man with a little baby boy, died from heart failure. It wasn't suicide.

One day his family, many many friends and I will understand, but for now I am grateful that he is at peace.

God speed. Rest in peace Tony. Be at peace.

Guidance needed

2008-08-29T08:15:00.004+03:00

My ex died yesterday. Apparently suicide. The same ex that gave me the jewelry.
2 days after I tried to cut our spiritual ties.
1 day after I cleansed the jewelry of any negative energy so that they could be passed safely on to a new owner.

I don't believe in coincidences.

If anyone reading this can help me to process it, I would be grateful.

Thank you thank you thank you

2008-08-28T14:45:00.004+03:00

It's WORKING!!!

I cleared out our money corner, which incidentally was hopelessly cluttered and dutsy, and then placed a nice basket with lots of spare change coins and a fat red candle that was a house warming present.

And things are looking up.

Thank you thank you thank you.

I am so happy and grateful for our blessings.

And recently, I put 8 pieces (because 8 is the number of wealth and prosperity) of gold in a little gold covered box and put it in the corner. Right after, we got a much appreciated housewarming present from my wonderful family.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Life is great :)

P.S. Your money power spot is the back left of your house and any room. Red and Gold, 8 pieces of lucky bamboo, water-stuff like an aquarium, a vase of pretty flowers, a lamp and plants are all good for you money-chi in this area.

Lookit how much roooom we have!

2008-08-25T10:48:00.004+03:00

This Feng Shui stuff is GREAT!! I've thrown out bags and bags and HUGE bags of JUNK that was just cluttering my life and my cupboards. It really is amazing how much stuff you can accumulate, and how freeing it is to get rid of it all.

Clothes, shoes, handbags, belts, jewelry, dvd's... I still have boxes of books to tackle. Because books are to be read, and not collected to gather dust and mites.

The other good thing is that even though I am throwing them out because I no longer need them, they will find their way into the homes of others who do. ''Garbage'' is well sorted here in Estonia so no fish bones or shrimp shells will be mixed with the clothes. And there are those who make their living off the things that others discard.

And I found 2 fabulous pairs of my pre-preggy jeans that I had completely forgotten about!

And I no longer have to spend 2 hours deciding what to wear because I can SEE everything that I have. Its a lot less that I had before, but it is all stuff that I like to wear. No more chugging through piles of things that I don't like or that don't fit to find my favorites.

So liberating. So easy. So clean and neat.

Some of the jewelry is harder to part with though. A pretty jade pendant, a delicate gold bracelet and earrings, an onyx chain and earrings. Gifts from an old boyfriend that have less than pleasant memories attached. But no longer will they hold me in the past. I'm not throwing them in the bin, I'll find someone to give them to... after I cleanse them with sandalwood incense, and cut my ties.

And when we move into our new home next month, we will be moving with only the things we love.

P.S. If you wanna give the whole Feng Shui thing a try, try to get your hands on a copy of ''Feng Shui your Life'' by Jayme Barrett. Its an excellent introduction that will speak volumes to you about more than just where to put your couch... but she'll help you with that too!

This thing they call AP

2008-08-20T11:56:00.005+03:00

Attachment Parenting. I discovered it when the Angel was a few days old, I think, or maybe it was while I was still pregnant. And it felt deep-down-in-the-soul-of-my-bones-right.

Suddenly there was a whole bunch of websites saying that I didn't have to worry about holding my baby too much, indeed it was better for her to be up with me than alone in a crib or play pen. And that it was OK and even best for her to sleep safely next to me for as long as she needed. And that I didn't have to leave her to cry at night to 'learn' to fall asleep; that my touch, taste and smell were the perfect source of comfort until she naturally developed that ability on her own. That I could breastfeed for however long she needed, whenever she needed, and yes, it is perfectly normal for that to be 20 times a day. That it was natural for me to feel it in my heart when she cried and that responding immediately, if not sooner, was not spoiling her, rather it was showing her that the world is a safe place, and that her feelings are important.

You mean I could listen to my instincts, my heart, my every mommy-fiber and enjoy my baby fully? And that it won't turn her into a clingy, spoilt, tantrum-throwing, monster-being?

What a relief! Thanks Dr. Sears and API :)

And what was even better... MILLIONS of people, for THOUSANDS of years were doing exactly what I knew was right. It was how we survived and evolved as a species.

The ''training'' approach it turns out has only been around for a much shorter time, and only in Westernized cultures. The same cultures that have Post Traumatic Stress, sleeping disorders and a plethora of other mental health problems. The same cultures that have high crime and murder rates, high suicide rates, high i-dont-need-anybody-and-cant-let-anybody-get-too-close rates, and too many lonely people with ''commitment issues''.

How? Who? When did we feel the need to train our children like puppies? Sometimes even harsher than we train our puppies! When did we begin to forget that our precious babies have the same emotions, feelings, rights and needs as us? They just come in a smaller package. A package that learns best in it's own time how to move, communicate, eat, sleep, and use the potty. A smaller package that needs us bigger and more dextrous packages to help until they learn to do it on their own. A fragile little package in a huge, new world, that trusts us big 'uns to protect them as they learn. To comfort them when things get scary. To respect them as full human beings, their needs, their emotions, their temporarily limited physical abilities. To treat them as good as we would treat our best friend.

I've heard / read so many people talk / write about teaching their little ones to be independent because it is what is best for them. And then I thought that if we were meant to be like that, we would have been born as adults. Babies would be born talking, walking, eating, leaping tall buildings. Who would need a mommy?? Maybe we would just be like amoebas and pouf! Then there were two.

But instead we are born tiny, soft, dependent, unable to move around for ourselves, knowing only the smell and voice of the warm body that was our entire world. Our cries of need, pain, loneliness, fear, hunger and thirst cause changes in our mothers' bodies compelling them to comfort and soothe us.

Then come the experts with books to sell convincing our mothers to ignore our cries. Brainwashing those we trust into believing that we don't need really them.

I'm not judging those who chose a different path in their parenting. I believe that most mothers do the best they can with the resources and information that they have available, and out of love for their children.

But I don't understand why the so-called experts persist in spreading their methods when for years it has been proved to harmful, damaging and negative. Maybe that's unfair to say. Even Dr. Ferber has changed his position on sleep training.

I'm no expert, but I am a Mama. My baby sometimes sleeps for long hours, sometimes not. And this is normal. When she wakes up, she wants me to be there. And this is normal. She sleeps best next to me. I feel safest with her there.

One day, when she is ready, she will no longer need me 24 hours a day. She won't want the comfort and nourishment of my breast, the warmth and security of my body next to hers at night, or my arms to carry her around.

And something tells me that I will miss her.

Sharing the love

2008-08-19T22:11:00.006+03:00

So there I was, sitting at my dining table / desk, staring out the window at the night-lights of Tallinn... well those on my street anyway, and completely lost as to what to blog about. I mean, I started this because I had SO much to say and nobody to say it to, right? I have never been accused of being the silent type, so did I really have NOTHING to over-share with the the world? I had been in this slump for nearly a week now.

But then!! Dum da da DUUUMMMMM!!!

Bluebella to the rescue!!! A Wonder Woman hard-working mom to twin toddlers with a beautiful new baby on the way who, no matter what life throws at her, finds a way to love and laugh.

She awarded Moi, ahem, with this lovely Pink Rose award cuz she thinks I'm cool like that :)

Suddenly we had something to write about! I don't call 'em Me Muses for nuthin.

And because it is better to give than to receive, here is who I pass this award onto:
Nan who gave me the encouragement and inspiration I needed to start blogging.
My friend Nalini who doesn't blog, but who is my sister in this and who knows how many other lives.
Antique Mommy who always makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
Scary Mommy, a beautiful mama who really isn't scary at all.
All the bloggers at API who never fail to provide the support we all need as mamas.

*****

In this blogosphere we read and feel each other's joys and pains. When people can't hope for themselves, we try to have hope for them, even if we feel that all hope is lost on our own situations. No matter how we express it, what I think we feel but do not often say about hope is this: we hope will have the strength to live through whatever is handed to us, and that come what may, we will be alright.

How many pink roses do you know? How many times have you wanted to let them know that they are appreciated and that you find them and their words beautiful? How many times have you wanted to lift someone up and said a silent prayer that she or he would be able to heal? How many times have you felt a fellow blogger's isolation and wanted reach out to let them know they weren't alone? Here's your chance. Give the Pink Rose Award to those who inspire you or need to be inspired, to those who have encouraged you or those who need encouragement.

Here's what to do:
1. On your blog, copy and paste the award, these rules, a link back to the person who selected you, and a link to this post. You will find the story behind the Pink Rose Award and other graphics to choose from there.
2. Select as many award recipients as you would like, link to their blogs (if they have one), and explain why you have chosen them.
3. Let them know that you have selected them for an award by commenting on one of their posts.
4. If you are selected, pass it on by giving the Pink Rose Award to others.
5. If you find that someone you want to nominate has already been selected by someone else, you can still honor them by posting a comment on their award post stating your reasons for wishing to grant them the award.
6. You do not have to wait until someone nominates you to nominate someone else.

Coconuts and the I.R.A

2008-08-17T21:05:00.004+03:00

That's my dad in our, well their, backyard cutting coconuts from our... I mean their coconut tree. He's not really in the IRA though. I think my uncle was, but that could have just been a story they told us.

But he did grow up in Nor'n Ireland seeing bombs go off next door. That's something a Trini like me will hopefully never understand. And if Russia decides to get pissy with Estonia again, I'm on the next plane out.

And I saw a coconut tree for sale in the mall! It was just a coconut that had sprouted in a bucket. All I could think of was ''Is that really going to fit in an apartment??'' Now, I'm wondering if it would survive winter. Cus it would be super cool to have a coconut tree in the yard of our new house. Cus now we have a yaaard daaahling. We would be the only people with that, I'm sure! And everybody would get freshly-picked, organic coconuts from their cool caribbean neighbour. And the kids could have coconut tree climbing competitions. hahahaha... I just had a mental picture of hubby trying to scale the tree with a cutlass (machete) in his teeth. hahahahaha. Maybe not such a good idea after all.

I really have nothing to write about, have you noticed?

Dry. I. Am. Dry.

Furniture shopping is harder than me thought. And 'SPENSIVE! Don't talk about planning a kitchen! With all the different drawers, and thingies, and whatchamacallits. Whew. Dizzzy. But fun :)

Feng Shui for luuuurve

2008-08-14T10:45:00.004+03:00

This post is dedicated to those of you who are looking for love, think they found love, want more love, wanna keep the love flowing, and just love love :)

Now I'm no expert, this is just stuff that you could find yourself online. But since I googled it already, why should you have to do all that work!

So here we go:

The theme is Happy Couples. So we need to reflect this in your boudoir, even if you're not in a couple. You won't look like a psycho stalker, you will just be letting the universe (and any ahem, guests) know that you are open and receptive to luurve.

Pictures and artwork of happy pairs is good. It doesn't have to be cheesy and mushy. 2 flowers, 2 birds, 2 hands, 2 people who look like they are happy to be together. Single stuff probably won't help here, like 1 tree, or 1 man fishing. Apparently all that solo stuff sends out the signal that solitude is your thing.

Its a good idea to put this on the wall at the foot of your bed and just opposite your door, so you see it when you come in and when you're in bed.

Onto your bed! If its jammed with one side against the wall, you're gonna need to pull it out. Ideally, both sides should be equally accessible by you and your objet d'amour. Good quality, soft, natural fibre sheets are what you need. Cus who feels sexy on rough and scratchy sheets?? And keep it so that you are facing the door when you're lying down, but without your feet pointing out. Kinda obliquely opposite the door is what I think they mean. And your headboard should be against the wall too. Bedside tables, if you have them, should be on each side of the bed.

For the lighting, think soft and soothing. Toxin free, scented candles, dim lights. No glaring overhead lights, computer and TV screens. They said you can cover up the TV with a nice piece of fabric if you really don't want to get rid of it. But really, TV in the bedroom?? Kinda counter-productive to your aim, n'est ce pas?

Open your windows! Lots of fresh air is good, but make sure you close 'em up at night to keep the energy circling around and nourishing you.

Now for your colours. Think lots of skin, in its varying beautiful shades from pale to chocolate. A pop of red or pink here and there is sure to bring home the love. But you need to be careful with the red though. Apparently its a really powerful colour, and if it isn't used properly, can have some negative power. Sorry, I don't know more about that.

And cover up or move any mirrors reflecting your bed. Let's not have a 3rd party in the mix... unless that's your thing, of course.

Drum roll.......

2008-08-13T10:37:00.004+03:00

It's our new home!!! Well, part of it anyway. The top of the stairs leading out to the porch to be exact.

So no, sorry to disappoint. I'm not preggers again. Praise Jah, Allah, Jesus, Latchmi, Buddha and The Universe. What do y'all think we are? Bunnies??? Angel ain't even 9 months old yet! Besides, contraception was the first topic of conversation at my checkup. I even begged and pleaded to have my tubes tied, for I was NEVAH going through that again! I would adopt, surely, if the Brangelina brooding itch started acting up. But doc said nay. ''EVerybody says that'' she proclaimed smiling. ''No no no no no.. I'm serious'' I countered. ''I really REALLY am SURE that I don't want anymore''. She wasn't convinced. But at least she provided a five-year-accident-free alternative. So unless fate seriously has other plans for me, that's one post you won't be reading for a while :)

Back to Mi Casa or Minu Maja in Estonian. It's a little box, made of ticky tacky, with other little boxes and they all look just the same. And I shall love it! Because there will be grass, and trees, and no horns honking, and kids playing outside, and other parents whom I can bond with and borrow eggs from if I run out. I shall be a hermit no more. Hallelujah.

So I've been busy learning about and trying to Feng Shui a very non-Feng-Shui layout. Imagine they put the bathrooms right next to and above the front door! Just flushing all our chi down the drain. It is amazing how un-harmoniously we live. I wonder if that's the reason the angel wakes up a million times at night, and I feel like death most mornings??

Did you know that :
You shouldn't put mirrors reflecting your bed? Sorry for all the pervies out there, but it brings a 3rd party to your union.

Using all the burners on your stove will open you up to multiple sources of income.

A bathroom over your kitchen will badly affect health and prosperity. And a bathroom in the middle of the house will undermine all the energy therein.

You should never store stuff under your bed or sleep with your feet pointed out the door.

A mirror reflecting your work desk doubles your work load!

Amazing stuff! There's lots more in the interwebs so Google away! Unless of course you know all that already. I just had to share :)

And thanks Kaisa for the tip on the art-shop. I went there yesterday and the lady is really cool! She was sooo helpful and her store is very baby-friendly. ''Put her on the ground so she can walk around... have a seat here and nurse her if you want... here's a doll for her to play with.'' If only everywhere was so open to babies, the world would be a happier place. Sigh.

And it seems I have chosen my pseudonym well. Van Gone. For the artist has left the building. I hope he just went out for some coffee. I shall doodle until he decides to come back. No pressure. I am open to the energy. Ohhhmmm.

Tragedy aboard the HMS Sinkeasy...a true story of some "trinis" in the Bermuda triangle

2008-08-11T22:12:00.003+03:00

This morning I woke up to find this (below) actual email from my brother. He is not what you would call a wordy type of guy, unless he's had a few, or he knows you really really REALLY well. He recently vacated the warm comforts, home cooked meals and clean laundry that is our parent's home to strike out on his own in Bermuda. Every so often we hear his stories of life on the rock.

Good night all,

I am about to relay the events of August 10, 2008. A gripping tale of some "trinis" braving the Bermuda triangle in search of adventure. It is not a happy tale and for those prone to crying, please stop reading now!

Sadly, the moral of this story is not new - Too much man, too little boat. In economics, such a situation causes inflation...the opposite is true of the triangle.

Captain's log, Triangle date 10/08/08:

The day began with a clear blue sky and a hangover from the night before...thanks Jasen, that house lime was so worth it (for the non-trinis, lime means to hang out). I jumped on my bike around 10am and made for the refuge of Safraz's house. There we re-grouped and headed for the docks, where the HMS Sinkeasy was anchored and ready to go (sink!). It started to drizzle but that did not weaken our spirits...though if we knew it would cause a "Small Craft Warning" we would have thought otherwise. Seven of us set out in that fateful small craft for an adventure we would have never predicted.

After some quick instructions from the owner we set out with yours truly as El Capitan! Having been the only person to drive a boat before, I accepted this responsibility with much humility and excitement.

Our journey began through the smallest drawbridge in the world (yes folks its in the Guinness Book) only the HMS Sinkeasy was so small that they did not have to raise it for us to pass!!!

The water was choppy but El Capitan was both brave and on his 3rd beer for the morning. We made a straight cut through the Great something (I can't recall what the map said it was) and veered north towards the Royal Naval Dockyard. On the way, Jasen my trusting navigator, saw that a fishing spot was closeby - under Watford Bridge - and the crew asked El Capitan to change course to make for Watford Bridge. Not wanting a mutiny, I obliged.

Upon my approach I thought that the water seemed a bit rough and that Safraz's fat ass was weighing down the front of HMS Sinkeasy. It was here that the precarious nature of the triangle became obvious. A huge swell engulfed the HMS Sinkeasy and washed Safraz, his wife Shelly and El Capitan from the deck.

Yes folks, El Capitan was forcefully taken from his ship. Not letting down on the responsibilty given to me, I issued immediate orders for Jasen to assume control and take the boat out of the swells lest the rest of the crew be lost too.

A passing vessel picked up the 3 adrift "trinis" and took us away from the swells and back to the HMS Sinkeasy. We salvaged whatever we could from the water but alas....some did not make it back!

I commend my fallen comrades to the deep:

Name - Ring-a-ding Ricky. Rank - 1st Mate. Purchased 1 week ago at Digicel. Though pulled from the water, his rings were forever drowned in the deep blue sea. His heart still lives on and I will implant it into a new Nokia tomorrow.

Name - Snapping Mack. Rank - Chief of the Boat. Purchased yesterday. I took a total of 10 pictures with him. $130, never recovered.

Name - Steely Dan. Rank - Ordinary Seaman. Purchased Friday, stringed on Saturday, went down on Sunday. My poor fishing rod never stood a chance...round 1 to you mother nature.

We eventually made it back to the dock. The thought of my fallen comrades, Safraz weighing down the ship and Shelly trying to save the Heineken keg are forever burned into memory.

Humbly yours,

El Capitan.

Etc etc etc

2008-08-08T11:50:00.008+03:00

I have a lot of little things running through my head, but can't seem to decide what exactly I want to say about them.

Like the one annoying fly that was buzzing around in my kitchen this morning. He's still here somewhere, but methinks he picked up on my ''I'm seriously considering swatting you'' vibe and decided it was time to chill out quietly. I was am reading The Seat of the Soul, and I reached the part about Reverence. Apparently reverence for Life extends to annoying buzzy bugs too. So to get the urge to squish out of my system, I squished the urge to squish the fly instead.

Then there's the bursting mommy-pride. The angel is crawling! Pulling herself up to stand! Saying Mama! Saying Dada! I have the most adorable (naturally) video of her crawling on the beach in Tobago which I am dying to post here. But she's naked. As we all should be on the beach. And I hesitate. To me there is nothing more beautiful than her michelin-man dumpling rolls and that scrumptious baby bum. And I want to show it to everybody. But I know that there are those out there who won't see it for it's innocent beauty. And that makes me sad.

Then there's the whole spiritual journey thing that I'm dying to talk about. I think it started when I was a teenager and couldn't get my head around the Body & Blood of Christ in the form of a wafer and vino. I've come a looong way since then. I recently refused to baptise the angel. That's a whole 'nother post by itself. Has anyone seen Zeitgeist???

And, I'm getting a serious itch to paint. I have some cool pics that I want to play with. What's the best medium for intense colours and reach-out-and-touch-me texture? Acrylics? Oils? Cotton balls soaked in food colouring? Something else I never heard of? And what kinda brushes do I need?

Ok, I think that's it for now. I do have some other MAJAH news, but I don't want to jinx it yet :)

My friend's country house in Vihterpalus, Estonia

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-07T21:52:00.002+03:00

Later edit: Bwah ha ha ha ha ha.. i just realized it is Thursday!! Kyah kyah kyah

Yummy Yummy Boobies

2008-08-06T09:19:00.003+03:00

It is World Breastfeeding Week. YAY for the Lovely Lactating Lady Lumps everywhere in all their splendid shapes, sizes and spraying powers.

In keeping with my nature to compulsively over-share the intimate details of my life, here's what I've learnt about this so far.

In the beginning:

IT HURTS!!! Boy does it hurt. Those first few days are agony. Especially when the midwives you are relying on for information (because you are a clueless first-time mom who has knows nothing about what to expect despite having read the book) don't tell you that you should be using nipple cream until you are already chaffed and bleeding. Even though you told them IT HURTS, they will still pinch and squeeze your poor tender titties and force them into the mouth of your precious new angel, whom by the way, you are seriously considering bottle-feeding by this point. They will ignore your cries of pain and tell you in bad english to get used to it... until a few days later (when you are lying there exhausted and topless because even the slightest breeze causes you to wince in agony) one midwife notices that your boob has a crease down the middle. And this should not be so. AH HA! The baby was not latching on properly. Hence the crease, hence the pain. It will take some time to figure out yourself how it should be done. Because they won't show you. And your angel won't do what the books and videos say she should be doing.

Oh yeah, and, NOBODY has milk for the first few days. Nobody. You have other healthy, gentle, important stuff in there for your angel, but your milk doesn't come in until a few days after. It doesn't mean that your supply is low or anything. Just keep nursing away. The more you nurse, the more you will have.

Then overnight, your chest will go from zero to torpedo. You will wake up on the morning of the 3rd day or so with 2 MASSIVE ROCKS. You will wish that you could go clubbing in a slinky little top just so you could show them off. Not really. But you will be very impressed and show them off to your hubby. ''Look at these!'' jiggle jiggle... ouch. They still hurt. And they are HARD!!

That's when you turn into a firehose. The little angel whom you feared wasn't getting enough will now be choking. You will spray everything in your path including hubby, the bed, the floor, the mirror, and of course, the angel. You will spray her in the eye, up her nose, all over her clothes. Especially those times when she nurses just enough to get things flowing and then decides she doesn't really want it after all, and leaves you in full blast.

But it gets better :)

By the fourth or fifth week, things begin to settle down a bit. You feel like you have been doing this your whole life. It has stopped hurting. Now you look forward to laying down side by side and nursing your precious angel. Even if it is 20 times a day. It is beautiful, calm, relaxing.

And boy does it take the weight off! Hello pre-preggy jeans! Or maybe I'm just lucky.

It has been 8 months now and I can't imagine not being able to bond like this with the angel. When I think back to the torturous first weeks, and how it was sheer determination that got me through, I am beyond grateful that I kept at it.

There is nothing that soothes an angel's cries when she bumps her head trying to crawl, is scared or overwhelmed, or maybe the moon is in the wrong phase, than cradling her to my now normal-sized and once again soft chest.

I hope to self-wean, and mentioning this has met with looks of shock and horror. ''You going to be nursing a 4 year old?? That's gross!''. Well, maybe she'll be 4, maybe she'll be 2, maybe she'll be 7. Who knows how it will go. I do know that right now, I'm pretty determined to let her decide when she's ready.

And I also know that I am nowhere near ready to stop.

back grinding

2008-08-02T19:54:00.009+03:00

I am up to my very tanned neck in wafting cat hair balls, piles of clean, not-so-clean, and definitely-not-clean clothes, half-empty suitcases, granola bar crumbs, beautiful white sand that somehow also made the trip but looked much prettier and felt less annoying in Tobago, and jet lag.

Whew

But of course I must find the time to blog!

I shall keep it short and sweet.

To commemorate a wonderful vacation, I present to you :

ME! Trying my darndest to squeeze every last drop of fun out of my last day :)

P.S. Sorry about posting the video via facebook, but this darn thing won't let me post it here :(

I'm baaaack... kinda

2008-07-21T17:18:00.003+03:00

I'm still on vacation, but I have returned to the land of internet connections and laptops. Not that they were missed really.

My wonderful friend Nan, and her equally wonderful hubby (who I have known since i was I-don't-even-remember-how-old) put up with me, the Angel and the Funny Dude for 5 whole days on their family vacation down the islands.

Thanks be to God that she isn't crawling yet though, whew. Jetties and crawling babies, methinks, are a heart-attack-inducing combo.

But how wonderful to have lots of aunties around to drink tea, and the occasional baby-is-sleeping-beer, gossip, trade tips, and do other female bonding things with! And rambunctious little boys who can transform and be oh-so-gentle. And the beach just outside your door laden with cool shells, driftwood and rocks for Angels to explore. And warm, calm water for hours of splashing immediately followed by mama-gets-a-break-naps in a breezy hammock. And huge spreads of yummy, tasty, mouth watering, trini food!!!

And all in one place, surrounded by close friends.

It is going to be really hard to leave this time :(

I've always been a stubborn child

2008-07-15T16:56:00.003+03:00

My mom will say that without a doubt. And I've grown into a stubborn mama. Despite all the warnings I am receiving, I will continue to:

> Hold the angel for as long as she wants even after my left arm has long gone dead.
> Sleep with her snuggled safely and sometimes sweatily next to me
> Feed her safe adult food without pureeing everything into ambiguous mush.
> Run like a mad woman to her side if she calls out for me, no matter how calmly she calls.
> Not let her cry if she is unhappy.
> Happily stick my boob into her mouth whenever she wants it, without the convenience? of sterilizing pumps, bottles, and nipples.
> Not go anywhere that she can't, like the hot club with the everybody-will-be-there-party.
> Refuse to confine her to a playpen.
> Let her suck on her pacifier if that is what she wants.

But OH NO! She will get too attached to you!

REALLY??? HOW TERRIBLE!!! A baby who loves to be with her mama?? It is the end of civilization as we know it! Call the ... ahhh... I dunno.. somebody to fix it.

Yes, I am making my bed. And oh how soft, snuggly, and perfectly comfy it is :)

Oh Happy Day

2008-07-14T02:34:00.005+03:00

Doesn't this pic just about sum it up? I love my country... and it appears, so does the angel.

She is such a trooper! She has crossed the Atlantic, gone from living like a hermit to being surrounded be dozens of adoring aunties, uncles, grannies, grandads, some sober, some not, but all adoring and whisking her off to be adored by more aunties et al. And she isn't complaining!

And her mama is eternally grateful.

Grateful for the other mama friends who have completely different parenting styles, but don't judge. Grateful for friends who are there to talk about everything from nappies and boobs to Brangelina. Grateful for fabulous friends who have houses on the beach and allow us to come stay. Grateful for wonderful friends who take the angel to see the cool stuff over-there so that her mama can be not-over-there, even if it is only for 5 minutes. Grateful for grannies who cook breakfast, lunch, dinner. Grateful for a wonderful funny dude who looks after himself, doesn't mind the hours of girl talk, or at least doesn't complain, and fits in with ease.

Life is good.

A Tale of 4 cities

2008-07-11T15:32:00.003+03:00

I had forgotten how HOT and STICKY it is here! Geeeeezzz. Drip drip drip, fan, pant, fan, drip drip drip.

Not that I'm complaining of course :)

Tallinn to London, 3 hours > London to Tobago, 9 hours plus 1 hour delay > Tobago to Trinidad, 15 minutes plus 2 hour delay.

By the time we pulled into my parent's garage i was TIE-UHHHD.

We left rainy and chilly Tallinn and arrived in equally rainy and chilly London. Not much of a story there. The angel handled pretty well, the occasional ''I am sleepy'' protests, but nothing too major. I'll admit, I was worried about the upcoming trans-atlantic haul.

Gatwick airport seemed to be having one of those everything-will-wrong-today days. Poor guys and gals working there. It seems that they are trying to replace check-in agents with 'puters. Only the 'puters eh working like they should. So mass confusion reigned. And the conveyor belts for the luggage were striking too.

Have you ever seen a Trini living in foreign coming home?? We talkin' bout 5 or 6 suitcases packed with all the tings in foreign that we doh have home. No wonder the poor conveyor belts gave up. The angel slept for most of the 2 hours that just getting checked in took. I was a grateful mama-bear.

As for the actual flights, she was a perfect angel! She played, slept, and flirted with everyone around. When she got hungry, hubby draped a big ol' blanket over us. I can only imagine how we looked, but it was nothing if not amusing :)

And now I am home. Its a bit rainy but at least its warm. Trips down the islands and to the beach are in planning, the phone in ringing, various aunties are stopping by, and mom is cooking. Ahh. Home sweet home.