Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Cobwebs cobwebs cobwebs. Chez moi in bloggy-land, chez moi in Elbonia-land.
I kinda realized that our happiest, funnest, sweetest, most stress-free days, the Angel and me, are the days when I don't do jack-shit other than just BE with her. Building snowmen cuz the snow won't bloody quit. Watching Dora sing Itsy Bitsy Spider 25 times in a row. Exploring the back yard. Playing football. Playing Bouncy on the air-mattress... etc etc etc. You catch my drift.
So now the floors are sticky and dusty with little dried spots of somethingorother, much like the table. There is a pile of laundry up to my elbows, which quite possibly explains why I can't find my favorite drawers. Our diet is based mainly on sandwiches or throw-it-in-a-pan-and-stick-it-in-the-oven gastronomical delights. Forget blogging! And I have a child who is deliriously happy... AND... wait for it... dramatic drum-roll... Sleeping through the night!!! (The black-out blinds? Maintaining routines and schedules? More fresh air? Who knows!)
Yes folks. My nights have returned to the land of mostly uninterrupted sweet sweet slumber. A mere (???) 15 months post-partum. I now know what 6, 7, 8, even 9 hours of solid sleep feels like!! It was a hazy, misty memory. And damn you Gods if you even THINK about taking that away just cuz I blog about it. It is MINE. You can't take it back. na na nana nah :-P
To celebrate I went out to shake my booty and got shit-faced instead with little or no actual booty shaking. And then spent most of the following day semi-comatose, jacked up on Mc Donalds and Coke (the black, fizzy, overloadofsugarandcaffeine one.) But it was SO WORTH IT!!! I had SO MUCH FUN!! Caps and exclamation points should be all over the place with the amount of fun I had. I yapped my gums to anyone within earshot for as long as they would listen before they would find somebody else to rescue them and take their place. It was probably really really obvious that I don't get out much. hahahahaha. sigh. Too bad. It will take a while for the whole ''i don't see people'' vibe to work it's way out of my system.
If only I had a trusted baby-sitter... then Hubby and I would be able to get shit-faced TOGETHER, instead of taking turns. In time. In time.
I just realized this post is polar-opposite to my last one which was all sob sob poor me. Who remembers that I'm a libra?!?!
Monday, March 2, 2009
... I wonder how it is that I can forget how much I love and adore my beautiful baby, my Angel, and shout at her.
... I feel like the worst mother in the world.
... I worry that she will hate me.
... it makes me cry.
... I don't know what takes over me, and I get mean.
... I worry that I might, one day, hit her.
... I am afraid.
... I understand how my mother felt.
... I fear that my baby will feel the same way I did.
... I feel guilty too often