Monday, December 8, 2008

I took my eyes off her for 3 seconds

She was standing at the bedroom door, eating a cracker.  I turned around to put on a shirt.  We were getting ready to go to the company's kids' Christmas party.  I didn't even button up.  All I did was pull the shirt over my arms.  Three seconds.

Some internal alarm went off.  I spun around to see her slip down the first stair.  Then the second.  A scream stuck in my throat as I lunged toward my precious baby, my life, now sliding down down down just beyond my desperate grasp.  The third.  The fourth.  And on.  And on.  And on.   

Oh God.  Oh God.  Oh God.

She tried to stop herself.  Tried to turn.  It put her into a spin.  There were four more stairs to go. 

The scream made its way out as I kept trying to grab her but instead saw her rolling, head spinning, her little arms flailing as she spun and bounced out of control down to the floor.

My heart stopped beating.  The world disappeared.

Her screams pierced my head.  Oh Thank God.  She is crying.  Thank You God.  Thank You God.  Thank You God.

I scooped her up and ran.  I found the couch and opened my eyes to look down at my screaming baby.  My life.

No blood.  Nothing seemed broken.

She grabbed at my breast desperate for comfort.  I clung to her desperate for ... reassurance?  forgiveness?

She's OK.  Nothing more than a slightly swollen lip.  I don't know if I will ever forget what I saw.  The memory is so sharp that it still causes my heart to tighten.  I don't know if I will ever forgive myself.

Funnily enough though, she still loves to climb the stairs.


eye in de sky said...

T, the first one nearly dies about a hundred times..remember when I nearly killed Chas with a coconut i was picking? She's gonna be fine (maybe a little loopy when she grows up) and you need not feel guilty...actually, I read somewhere that falling actually toughens the bones and joints of small children...which is why super active crash test dummy kids often never break a bone.(like me)
So you have to let her fall sometimes(ok, not down the frikkin stairs you sick witch...kidding kidding) or else she's gonna dislocate her knee while dancing to seventies music with her uncle....ha ha remember that?
Luv to you all for x-mas

Janelle said...

Thank God she is ok, I don't think that image would ever leave me either. A baby gate will probably be a good idea though, although I suspect you probably have one. Funny how the darn thing is never up quite when you need it to be. :(

LceeL said...

Louie was 4. Alex was 2. We had just had a conversation about maybe removing the glass coffee table in the living room. Louie had found an Ace Wrap - one of those stretchy bandages you put on a sprained ankle or wrist. Alex had hold of one end and Louie had the other and was dragging his little brother through the house. Alex went flying - right into the corner of that glass coffee table. That was the first of three trips to the emergency room in the span of two weeks. Alex wears a scar on his forehead to this day - 22 years later. It still makes my butt clinch when I think of it - and the panic. But he was fine. Bloody as hell, but fine. Kids, you will find, are made of stern stuff.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh dear--that is the most panicky kind of moment. Thank GOD they are short and fall with less impact than us fully grown people.

Melissa said...

I am so glad she is ok. Kids are like bouncy balls I promise they bounce alot more than they break. I remember Madi falling backwards down some of those freaky middle of the floor cellar steps straight down to a concret floor. I about shit myself scariest moment ever. She was fine. It was me that needed the drink and a smoke after, she just went on her merry little way after screaming like she was dying for about 15 min. Damn kids to bad it may cross the line of being legal to bubble wrap them, I know it would save us moms some nerve damage and grey hairs.

Anonymous said...

Like grandma always said, God looks after small children and drunk men!:)
The jub jub has nuff padding! she is well prepared for some rough and tumble!
love beans

witchypoo said...

Yep. Worst feeling ever. Luckily, she will not remember it.