Imagine that you have had a bad day at work. You had a brilliant idea but nobody would listen or nobody understood. The fax machine was tormenting your very soul. Lunch was crap. Traffic was insane. You couldn't find your favorite pen. Your boss was an ass. Your co-workers were idiots. You came home and just wanted to sit and vent with your best friend. Then, instead of listening, your best friend starts to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider and show you shadow puppets.
If you are a parent, grandparent, aunty, uncle, nenen, tanti, babysitter, nana, papi, teacher, or any other kind of caregiver for young children, your life will be forever changed after you read ''Tears and Tantrums'' by Aletha Solter.
I mentioned an article that I found by the same author recently. Well, the book really brings it all together.
The Angel, whom I love with every cell and fiber of my being, could be described as a clingy baby. To put it mildly. I could not do anything much at home during her waking hours. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, having a shower, computerizing, talking on the phone... all nearly impossible to achieve when she was awake. And despite being fed solid food, she still nursed a jillion times a day too (leaving her nice and plump, and me looking like a string bean). And night times weren't much better. At 13 months, my beautiful baby girl still woke up to nurse at least 4 or 5 times a night.
Until yesterday... well it kinda started last week when I mentioned the article. But I only read the book yesterday.
Last night, after following Dr. Solter's advice, my sweet, precious, beautiful, wonderful Angel peacefully slept EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT.
And today, I have been getting my work done with ease while she plays happily, coming over every so often for a snuggle or a giggle.
It is nothing short of a miracle.
How did this happen? I know you are dying to know. The book will give you a better understanding, but in short, I no longer repress her need to vent.
When she gets upset, I no longer nurse, sing, rock, soothe, distract with funny noises or silly games. I sit, lovingly hold her, look into her eyes, tell her that she is safe and loved, and accept her sadness, frustration or anger in its full force. I let her vent. How ever many times she needs to. And after 13 months of repression, she has some venting to do.
Nap time and bed time are times when we lie down together, and feeling safe in my arms, she now lets it all out. All the frustrations of her day. When she feels better, she happily and peacefully drifts off to sleep... and STAYS that way.
Some Attachment Parenting folks might not agree with this approach. Indeed, when I started following the advice of AP resources online, calming and soothing her cries was more of the focus. But I actually feel more attached and connected to the Angel when she vents with me. W She is beginning to really trust me with her sadness, fear and anger. She now knows that I will listen and accept her, unconditionally, validating her feelings. Good and bad.
So, who wants a copy of the book? I'm giving one away for free. Let me know if you want it in the comments. I'll choose the winner somehow or other by next week sometime or other.