Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Somewhere over the rainbow.

The Angel has an ear infection :(

I noticed some time back that she was tugging at her ears, and I thought that they smelt funny.  But she didn't seem to be in pain, so I didn't rush her of to the doctor, my idiot mind thinking maybe she just had an itch.  I have itchy ears all the time, and never thought anything of it.

You see what happens when you listen to your mind all the time???  SHADDAP ALREADY!

Being present and aware is much harder than I thought.

And now my mom thinks that I am negligent.  Because she rushed us to the doctor at the first sign of a cough and fever... because it might be meningitis.

So now we're doing the antibiotics thing.  Funny enough they are the same antibiotics that I was given regularly as a child (Amoxil).  I thought they would be useless by now, after all the misuse and uncompleted courses.  Lord knows how many super-bugs were grown back then.

On another note, the night and nap time venting continues, with added intensity for the infection.  Poor little thing.  I wish I could make it all disappear.  I wish I could make her life nothing but warm, sunny days with ice cream, friends, rainbows and bunnies.  But I can't.  Indeed, I shouldn't even wish that for her.  For there would be no rainbows if it never rained.  

She trusts me more and more now with her sadness and anger.  When I first started accepting her cries, she would hardly make eye contact during her venting moments, and would pull away.  Now, her big, sad eyes lock with mine as she pours her little heart out.  Who knew that being a baby could be so hard.

There are days when I wonder if I am doing the right thing.  It can be hard to listen to your baby cry like that.  And I sometimes feel so helpless.  I'm her mama.  I should be able to make it better.

Am I saving her money on therapy later, or am I adding to her bill?

The thing is, apart from the times when she vents, she is a happy baby... growing in confidence, trusting her daddy more, needing me a bit less, and sleeping sooooooo much better.

Time will tell.


Tash said...

Don't worry about not picking up on the ear infection. We can't rush to the Dr. for every oddity, every runny nose. Keep trusting your instincts chick.

Glad to hear she's trusting daddy more too and giving you a bit of space. Love to angel and funny guy. Hope her ear eases up soon.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I always was slow on the uptake with ear infections--usually by the time they got diagnosed, they were DOUBLE ear infections--once with an added diagnosis of PNEUMONIA. Yes, with Mr. B when he was 7 months old.
Cheer up, you got it in time and she'll be comfortable real soon! And your new approach will be good, I have a 9 year old still coping with feelings and venting them appropriately. You're a GREAT mom!