Showing posts with label The universe unfolds the way it should. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The universe unfolds the way it should. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Live and Learn # 37654

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She fell asleep today with relative ease.  No long crying and raging.  No tantrums.  Just a few lil grumbles at nap time, but nothing to write home about.

So what was it?  The moon?  Weird unknown illness?  Growth spurt?

It would have been so much easier on both of us if I had just let her be, instead of trying to control.  I always remember too late that when she behaves like that, there is a reason, and that I need to just accept and go with the flow.

''Struggle or stress is a sign that the ego has returned, as are negative reactions when we encounter obstacles.''  - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth.

One day I will remember in time.

But why oh why could I not have read that ONE line a few days ago??  Why did I have to read it today, AFTER she had already fallen asleep peacefully.  The book has been sitting on the couch untouched for days.

Maybe it was a test.  Well guess who didn't ace that one!  As usual.  My teachers will not be shocked.

Live and Learn.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

A scary story for Nan with horny demons and broom sticks.

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My bee-ooootiful friend Nan wants us folks who read her blog to write some scary stories, preferably with ghosts. Ooooo, OOOOOO. I don't have a story with ghosts; will horny demons be ok, Nan?

Back in 1999 I worked ''down south'' in Trinidad. Every evening, I would take a taxi to Chaguanas, my home town, and call home for someone to come pick me up. This was before everybody and their toddler had cell phones, so a line at the sole working pay phone was inevitable.

Sidenote: A working pay phone in Trinidad is a rare thing, at least most of the times that I have ever needed it. Like that time Dominique and I shut down just outside the most notorious ghetto (Beetham / Laventille) at 5 am (which incidentally is a scary story by itself). We walked all over town trying to find a phone after being robbed, never found one, begged the manager at KFC to no avail, and were eventually pitied by a KFC customer who had a cell. But that's another story.

So I was walking to the snaking pay phone line, cigarette in hand after the no-smoking taxi ride and minding my own biz. At the end of the line, there is a tall, dark man with a white tam (that's the small hat often worn by muslim men). He starts looking around, agitated. Then he zeros in on me.

''You should be smoking Broadway, not DuMaurier'' he offers.

Out loud ''Um, yeah, ok'', smile. Mentally ''Whatever dude'', roll eyes and make this face :-S

''Broadway is a spiritual cigarette and you are a spiritual person''.

Raise eyebrow ''OK'', and start looking around to avoid further conversation and wish for own car to avoid the weirdos associated with public transport and public phones.

Another sidenote: If it wasn't for this particular weirdo, I would have nothing to write for Nan. So thanks dude, and thank you Universe for making not rich enough to have my own car and cell phone in 1999.

Back to the Man in the Tam. ''Your lucky colour is blue, and your business day is Wednesday. You should wear blue on Wednesdays when you have meetings or anything important at work.''

Sigh, I guess this beats standing in a long line staring at my toes. ''Yeah? What else?''

From here on, my memory gets a bit blurry. There were a bunch of things he told me, but I don't remember them all. So where's the scary part, right? It's coming, it's coming.

''You have bruises on your thighs. You get headaches and back pains. You have a vaginal infection.''

BLINK BLINK.

''There is a demon having intercourse with you on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. That's why you wake up feeling so tired on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.''

Honestly, I thought the Saturday crap feeling was just a hangover. The other days, were probably because I went to sleep too late. Couldn't explain the bruises, pains and itchies though. As for how the hell he KNEW???

''It was from a woman, through a man. She is jealous of you. Your light is growing dim and you need to do something about it.''

I think I asked him what I needed to do, or something else at that point. I remember he told me how to get to where he lived because he could help me; he was a Spiritual Baptist leader, also known as an Obeah Man (Voodoo Doctor is another name).

''But you will do something when the time is right for you.''

By this time, we are at the front of the line. He makes his call; I, with shaking knees make mine.

We continued talking; I guess about my demons. I don't really remember.

A few days later, I was liming (that's trini-speak for hanging out) with my usual crew, at the usual place: The Sheppard's house. Nan, being married to a Sheppard, was also there. Of course I told my story. Nan offered to take me to see a friend of hers, a yogi.

Sometime later (a few weeks, or maybe even months I think) we went.

Deep into the Paramin hills of Trinidad's Northern Range.

It looked like something out of a movie; maybe like a hobbit village in Lord of the Rings.

A house built into the mountain. Small huts around. White painted stones. Meandering paths. Huge trees that grew where they wanted, and have lived longer than my grandparents.

The yogi had long whitish-blonde hair. She had that open warmth about her. The kind where you know the person is real. She hugged like that too. An open full hug. ''We were sisters in a past life'' she told me.

Yes, it's another sidenote. She also told me that I will be a writer. And that I should write when I can. It has only taken me nearly 10 years to start doing it.

I told her about the man, the demons, how much I prayed that night, and many nights after, and that the symptoms had gone.

She took me, with my friend Rachel to one of the wooden huts. Nan was pregnant at the time, and decided to stay back at the main house. There was a straw mat on the ground, big open windows; a little bird was flitting around inside.

''You can lie down there'' she said warmly, pointing at the mat, and picking up 2 cocoyea brooms.

Sidenote of actual importance: Cocoyea is the spine of coconut tree leaves. The leaves are stripped, and the spines can then be tied together in big bunches to make brooms. They are great for sweeping the yard, and also, apparently for getting rid of horny demons.

''Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali'' she chanted, circling me, sweeping the spindly brooms over my body, inches from my skin. ''Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali'' louder and louder, picking up the pace.

''Get out! You are not welcome here. Leave her alone. Go away.'' Sweeping, circling, chanting.

''Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali, Ohm Kali''. Her chants began to get calmer, softer. And then she stopped.

''You must be a very strong person to have kept him off for so long. But he is gone now.''

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thursday Thirteen... on turning 30

As some of you know, I hit the top of the hill yesterday! Whooot whoot!! To celebrate, I had a lovely nap. Bliss. Thanks for all the good wishes, tips, Facebook messages, text messages, phone calls and Happy Birthday vibes that you sent my way :) Every one of them made me smile, and that's always a good thing!

I thought that maybe I would give this Thursday Thirteen thingamabob a try. Surely I can think of 13 things to say about the journey to turning 30. So here we go:

1. Life gets a bit clearer when you are who you really are. Not that I fully know who I am yet, but I am beginning to know her. She isn't half bad, is surprisingly intuitive when she really listens to her soul voice, and doesn't like people who aren't real (ironic huh!). I don't know why I spent so much time trying to be who I am not (maybe I was just trying out different styles), but I am glad that the real me is showing up more often.

2. Relationships are easy when they are with the right people. The difficult ones generally aren't worth the hassle. As I get a lil older, I'm finding it easier to let go of the difficult ones.

3. I don't know half as much as I thought I did; but I'm beginning to learn.

4. No matter what your philosophy is on life, parenting, work, books, art, how to put on a nappy, the best way to cook chicken, what colour shoes you should wear or coffee vs tea, there will be people who will think that you should do it differently. This is a good thing. Doing what I truly believe is best is almost always best for me.

5. Fresh air is always good.

6. Comfy shoes are better than ankle-breakers / circulation-cut-off'ers. Now we just need them to start making the impossible: Comfy AND pretty. Until then, sometimes I'll just have to grin and bear it :-)

7. Partying is fun.

8. So is curling up on the couch with hubby / a good book / the laptop / the cat.

9. I like not waking up with a hangover.

10. Girlfriends are essential. I miss mine and wish they didn't all live so very far away. Writing that made me cry ;-(

11. I am incredibly lonely.

12. My family is the most important thing there is in my life. Hubby, my baby, my parents and brother are my world.

13. Becoming a mom has finally given me a real purpose in life. No ''job'' can give me the kind of joy or fulfillment that taking care of my baby and family does. I know that I couldn't have this life back in Trinidad (Estonia's maternity leave is 1.5 years fully paid), so I guess I just have to work harder at not being lonely. On the same note, no job has ever been this hard. It is the steepest learning curve I have ever encountered, coupled with the least sleep, non-stop 24/7 demands, and hourly tests of my patience which I sometimes don't pass. But I would never ask for it to change... except maybe that she would sleep all night, be immune to teething pain and colds, and think that the view from the floor was much cooler than the view from my sometimes weary arms.

13.5 I still feel like I'm 27. And I'm glad that I am no longer 21, as much crazy fun as it was.

So there we have it. It is a milestone. I have reached it. I still have faaaaaar to go, and if the journey from here on out is even half the fun that the past 30 years have been, I'm in for a cool ride.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Tony

I realized this morning how angry I have been for a long time. Angry with him for things he did that hurt me. Angry with him for throwing his life away bit by bit over the past years. Angry with him for not facing his demons. Angry with him for ignoring the love and help his friends and family tried over and over to give him. Angry with his parents. Angry with myself.

I can't be angry anymore. I cannot judge.

The universe unfolds the way it should. Thank you for reminding me of that Tash.

Today is his funeral. A gifted, intelligent, loved, young man with a little baby boy, died from heart failure. It wasn't suicide.

One day his family, many many friends and I will understand, but for now I am grateful that he is at peace.

God speed. Rest in peace Tony. Be at peace.